The Shinobi, at the Party, in the Middle of the Night
by DrProfessor756
Summary: Shizune gets herself knocked up resulting in deep investigations as to who the father of her child is. Flashbacks will be told, heads will be bashed in, and in the end one lucky bastard will end up with the one and only Slug Princess of Konoha as a mother-in-law.
1. Chapter 1

**(Insert Standard Disclaimer saying I don't own Naruto)**

 **Inspired by an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia**

* * *

The Godaime Hokage found herself in the midst of a two month dry spell from her two favorite vices; sake and gambling. Tsunade herself would have thought this impossible had it not been for a worthy cause; peace in the elemental nations. A peace both Dan and her younger brother would have done anything to achieve. And so she works, harder than she ever has before knowing she will have left the village in a far better position than when she first took office.

Currently she was assigning the best squad she could assemble to complete the ongoing peace talks. "You three are to meet up with Kakashi in Amegakure. I've sent him ahead to start the negotiations early. I'm sending you three to show our dedication towards this new peace movement-"

"With all due respect Tsunade-sama I don't see the point of sending me and Yamato on this mission. I mean Iruka I can understand but this isn't exactly our kind of mission." Normally the senbon chewing ninja wouldn't dare question the slug princess but with her sobriety came a slightly calmer demeanor towards her subordinates.

Her eyebrow twitched as she attempted to curb her temper. _Let it go Tsunade, it's all for the sake of peace._ Taking a deep breath she responded, all the while fighting her instincts telling her to inflict some pain on the brunette. "Like I was saying earlier, you have been chosen because each of you represent a major part of the hidden leaf. Genma represents our jonin, Yamato our anbu, and Iruka our academy system. The civilians have already sent their own ambassadors. Basically the mission calls for the three of you to assist Kakashi in whatever ways he sees fit during the meetings, so if he just wants you to just stand there and look pretty then you three had better do just that. You three may not like it but such is politics. Understood?"

The three aforementioned shinobi quickly responded in affirmation, sensing her anger rising as she spoke. "Good, you are to leave at once; the mission scroll has the rest of the details. Dismissed."

As the Godaime's faithful assistant began walking towards the trio to hand them the scroll she stumbled, just barely able to catch herself using the Hokage's desk. Iruka was quick to react, gently guiding her towards the nearest seat. "Are you alright Shizune, you don't look well."

After regaining her composure and upon seeing the worry in everyone's expressions Shizune couldn't help but blush in embarrassment. "I apologize. I'm alright now, just a little stressed." Offering a meek smile the trio of shinobi left the office leaving master and student alone in the office.

Despite her words to the contrary Tsunade couldn't help but worry about her aide. Knowing her better than most she knew firsthand how self-sacrificing Shizune could be. "We should get you to the hospital, I won't be comfortable until I check up on you myself." That appeared to have struck a chord, her student jumped upon hearing her suggestion. There was no doubt about it, she was definitely hiding something.

Shizune couldn't help but shift nervously as Tsunade studied her every move. "Please Tsunade-sama that isn't really necessary, I just-"

Tsunade quickly cut her off, mind set on helping her loyal student. "Last time I checked it was the Hokage who gave the orders to her aide not the other way around."

"But we have too much work left to do today, we still have to assign the missions for the genin teams, there's the meeting with the council-"

Waving her hand dismissively Tsunade quickly halted the rambling girl. "Alright have it your way, but first thing tomorrow morning I'm giving you a physical, and you'll take the rest of the day off, got it?"

Shizune gave another nervous smile upon hearing this, whether it was in gratitude or in anxiety Tsunade could not tell.

* * *

Genma, Yamato, and Iruka had spent the rest of the day trekking through the dense forests surrounding the fire country. Once the sun had set the trio decided to make camp for the night, less they exhaust too much chakra and run the risk of being ambushed by parties opposed to the peace. As they finished their meals huddled around the campfire Genma and Yamato talked animatedly about previous missions. Meanwhile the academy instructor was left to his own thoughts, his mind still pondering the events at the hokage's office.

A balled up paper thrown at his head finally broke him out of his reverie, a curious glint in the offender's eye as he stared at Iruka. "You all right there sensei? You spaced out for a second."

"I'm fine, just got lost in my thoughts is all."

Rising up from his seat the brown haired shinobi took a seat right next to the chunin, his smirk never leaving his face. "You being distracted while on a mission could prove to be a danger to all of us, isn't that right Yamato?" The man in question nodded his head in agreement as the jonin continued. "It's probably best if you talk about what's on your mind. You know, for our own safety."

Looking between the two shinobi the academy instructor felt forced to comply. "I guess I was just worried about Shizune is all. She-"

"Ha, I knew it. What did I tell you Yamato, I've got an innate sense when it comes to a man in love. Yamato could only roll his eyes at the statement as Genma turned towards Iruka without saying a word, looking for the chunin to elaborate.

The academy instructor couldn't help the blush that creeped across his face as he scratched the back of his head looking to diffuse Genma's theory. "N-no, it's nothing like that. We're only friends; we got to know each other while working at the hokage's office." Seeing Genma's grin grow in amusement Iruka continued to deny any amorous intentions towards Shizune.

Before Genma could continue grilling the chunin Yamato stepped into the conversation, recognizing the scene before him all too well given his friendship with Kakashi. "Relax Iruka, there's nothing to be ashamed of, she has a lot of fine qualities a guy looks for in a woman. You'd have to be careful though, the main reason she's been single so long is because of Lady Tsunade. She's either busy looking after the Godaime or Tsunade's temper scares away any guy that tries to get too close."

Frustration building as his words fell on death ears the academy instructor could no longer keep his emotions in check. Rising to his feet Iruka turned towards the two men as a vein on his forehead looked to be ready to burst. "I'm gay, as in homesexual, as in attracted to other men, alright. So when I say that Shizune and I are strictly friends, that's all there is to it. Nothing more, got it?"

Genma and Yamato sat there, eyes wide and mouths gaping upon hearing Iruka's revelation. As soon as the words left Iruka's mouth his irritation had vanished, replaced with anxiety as he awaited their reaction. For a few moments it appeared there would be none as the pair could only gaze at the chunin, eventually after a few awkward moments Genma was the first to react.

"T-that's, good. Yeah, good for you Iruka, nothing to be ashamed of, right Yamato?"

Hearing his name snapped the anbu captain snapped out of his trance, his eyes narrowing in anger. "What's that supposed to mean, I'll have you know I'm very much into women. You on the other hand…"

"That's nice to know, funny how I never see you without Kakashi, must be a coincidence then huh?"

And with that the senbon user and last mokuton user began bickering with one another, leaving Iruka to breathe a sigh in both relief and annoyance. It's as if he had just come out to a bunch of his academy students. Turning away from the bickering shinobis the academy instructor made his back towards his tent with one overarching thought on his mind. This was going to be one long mission.

* * *

Daylight slowly started to creep into Shizune's apartment, revealing Tsunade's loyal assistant sitting on the bed, eyes wide open. In truth she had woken up nearly an hour earlier; her nausea forcing her to spend her waking moments in the bathroom. Once recovered she found herself unable to go back to sleep, knowing that in a few hours the woman she looked at as her mother figure would know her secret.

She was pregnant, approximately two months in. And to make matters worse no one else knew she was expecting a child. Not even the father of her unborn child knew about it, her pregnancy being the result of a drunken encounter with the man during the victory celebration following the end of the Fourth war. He probably didn't even remember any of it and in truth Shizune was far too scared to be upfront with him. Scared of his rejection, not only of her but of her unborn child, and when she finally mustered the courage to actually tell him the news Tsunade decided to send him off on a diplomatic mission to Amegakure.

In a few hours Lady Tsunade would find out about her pregnancy and demand to know the identity of the father, if only to beat the man half to death with her bare fists. But not before berating Shizune for not taking the necessary precautions any amateur kunoichi would take. In the end Shizune is a kunoichi, and a damned good one at that. She would endure whatever yelling or lectures Tsunade would throw at her, and she'd keep the identity of her baby's daddy a secret. At least until she could tell him herself, and warn him of Lady Tsunade's ire, less she gives birth to a fatherless child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Of Betrayal and Investigations**

Paper crinkled underneath Shizune as she shifted nervously atop the examination table. At any moment the oak door would open up and usher in the source of all her current anxieties. Her mind was rife with scenarios depicting the reaction her longtime mentor and confidant would have upon discovering her pregnancy, each more frightening than the last. The one thought that kept her somewhat calm was the fact that Lady Tsunade had not as of yet killed someone during one of her outbursts. Although Master Jiraiya came close a few times.

Finally the door swung open and in walked the Godaime Hokage, hot tea in one hand, a chart in the other. The blonde sat on the stool next to the examination table and began reading the chart, occasionally taking a sip of her tea, all the while ignoring Shizune. Years of experience had taught Shizune to let the awkward silence go on, knowing full well that her teacher was not a morning person, doubly so when she was in the middle of analyzing medical charts.

After a few minutes had passed without a word or any form of acknowledgement Tsunade placed the chart and her tea on a nearby counter, offering a quick nod to the raven haired kunoichi. "Well then, according to your chart everything appears to be fine. Let me just do a quick check and make sure you're in good health."

Tsunade's hands hovered over Shizune's head as a green aura formed around them, a warm, tingling sensation followed them. Eventually the blonde's hands moved lower, stopping at her chest/torso area. Once more her hands hovered in place for a few moments and then made their way towards Shizune's abdominal area. This time her hands stayed there for only a few seconds, and then she quickly tore them away, as if she had burned herself.

The Hokage kept her expression blank; in fact she didn't even utter a single word. Reaching for the chart she had previously left atop the counter she began rereading the notes, obviously looking for what she apparently missed the first time she reviewed Shizune's chart. Once she confirmed that she had in fact not skipped over anything Tsunade turned to look at her loyal assistant and student straight in the eyes.

"Shizune, what exactly did you say your symptoms were again?" Her expression remained passive; in fact the only emotion the Sanin had really shown was that brief moment of surprise and disbelief during her examination.

Shizune could feel butterflies in her stomach as her master had seemingly figured it out, but in typical Tsunade fashion she wanted her to say it herself. "Nausea, fatigue-"

"And how long has it been since your last period?" The blonde interrupted, a victorious smirk replacing her previously deadpan expression.

"A-about two months." At this Tsunade only nodded while Shizune felt a strange sense of both relief and worry. Relief that the Godaime had taken the news with absolute calm; at the same time it was a cause for worry knowing Lady Tsunade the way she did. "A-are you alright with this, Tsunade-sama?"

"Of course I am. Shizune, in case you haven't noticed you aren't a little girl anymore that needs to be looked after. You're a grown woman now, and besides, even when you were younger it was always you that was looking after me. I'm just glad you have someone else to share your life with, kami knows living with me has meant having to sacrifice any chance of living a normal life."

Suddenly it hit her; the hokage was worried about losing her, as if becoming a mother would change their own relationship. But the sanin was far too proud to admit her fears to anyone, including Shizune.

The raven haired kunoichi rose from the examination table and embraced her mentor in a way she hadn't done since the death of her uncle. Silent tears flowed from both kunoichis as their embrace continued. "Tsunade-sama, no one forced me to go with you, I chose to do so. And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. You're the only family I have left, and that's not going to change now or seven months from now.

The sanin wiped her tears away as a small smile broke across her face. "That's so good to hear. I've always looked at you like the daughter I never had, I always feared you felt forced into staying by my side all these years." The slug princess' smile grew even larger, to the point that it looked more threatening than reassuring. "Now for the big question, who's the father hmm? Shinobi, civilian, I hope he's at least from the village?"

Shizune flinched at the barrage of questions as she unconsciously broke the hug between herself and the Godaime. Her answer came in the form of a whisper, fear evident in her voice. "I-I can't tell you."

The smile disappeared from Tsunade's face, replaced by a scowl more typical of the ornery hokage. "I'm sorry, could you speak up. I thought you just said you won't tell me."

"I d-did."

Like Mount Vesuvius the blonde's anger burst out all at once, "What the hell do you mean you won't tell me? We just had a mother daughter moment not even two minutes ago and now you won't even tell me the name of the father. If you won't tell me, your only family, then who are you goi-"

"It was a one night stand." Shizune retorted, her own voice matching Tsunade's own intensity for a moment before it quickly fell. "He doesn't even know I'm pregnant. I'm not even sure if he remembers being with me; he was so drunk. I'd rather not reveal his name until I tell him about it myself, and I can't do that since you sent him off on a very important diplomatic missi-" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself, giving away a very crucial clue towards the identity of the father.

"So he's a Konoha shinobi. Hmm, who could it be?"

Shizune pursed her lips and shook her head, not trusting herself to say another word. Rather than allow Tsunade to continue bombarding her with questions the younger of the kunoichi opted for a shunshin as a means for her escape, leaving a very unsatisfied Tsunade alone with her thoughts.

At least now Tsunade understood the reason Shizune had been keeping her pregnancy secret for so long. Still, knowing her former student's penchant for modesty and insecurity there was no doubt she would end up taking care of the child herself while the bastard went on his way without a care in the world. So naturally Konoha's slug princess had no choice but to intervene on the matter personally, because that's what any mother would do for her daughter. And this definitely had nothing to do with her own mistrust of the male sex.

The sanin flared her chakra and in a matter of moments a shinobi appeared in the room, his porcelain mask and cloaked torso designating him as a member of the anbu. The masked shinobi kneeled infront of the Hokage without a word, ready to receive his orders. "Find Izumo and Kotetsu and have them meet me in my office. And tell them to make it quick, I don't have the luxury of wasting time."

With a quick nod the anbu left in a puff of smoke, as the blonde couldn't help but smile. Her thoughts filled with ways to tortur… convince whomever got Shizune pregnant that he was to make an honest woman out of her.

* * *

The rest of the trip to Amegakure was… awkward to say the least. In the end both men had been very supportive of Iruka, even going as far as apologizing for their behavior the night before. But despite their good intentions the atmosphere around them had changed significantly, a hesitance that seemed so foreign to the normally rowdy duo had surfaced.

Their arrival at the entrance of the hidden rain village was a most welcomed sight to the academy teacher, at least now they could forget about yesterday's events, if only for a moment. The trio of Konoha ninjas quickly showed the guards their credentials and were ushered through the industrialized village.

For a few minutes the leaf ninja followed their guide throughout the city, giving them an impromptu tour of the village which had historically been off limits to outsiders. The tall steel buildings and cloudy atmosphere of Amegakure provided a stark contrast to the quaint and scenic environment the leaf ninja were accustomed to back in Konoha. Eventually the group made it towards a clearing at the center of the village, its many trees and lush vegetation making the area an oasis in an otherwise mechanized village.

The Ame ninja escorting them led them towards a large canopy hidden amongst the trees and had explained to the leaf ninja that this is where all negotiations were to take place. It was meant as a symbolic gesture to the civilians and shinobi of Amegakure, from this point forward all political dealings would be dealt with out in the open as opposed to in secret.

Seated at a large conference table was none other than Kakashi Hatake, who looked to be having a very animated discussion with the representatives of the hidden rain village. As they neared the table parts of their talks could be heard, the tone left no doubt how unwavering the copy nin could be when it came to his diplomatic negotiations.

"As I said before, the Hidden Rain village is willing to comply with all of the Leaf's demands so long as-"

Kakashi quickly cut him off, his typical cool and aloof attitude replaced with indignation as he made it clear he wouldn't budge on the issue. "The fact of the matter is that Amegakure is asking for far too much from the hidden leaf, and I for one would rather cut these talks off altogether than consider meeting your demands."

Genma was quick to intervene, not wanting the talks to turn hostile as they have done in the past. "Whoa, sorry to interrupt but I think it'd be best if both sides took a quick break. How about some lunch, I could go for some lunch, how about you guys," here he turned towards Yamato and Iruka. "You guys up for lunch?"

Yamato and Iruka quickly nodded their heads in agreement, and with that the representatives of the hidden rain departed, leaving the Konoha ninjas alone beneath the canopy. "Genma, Iruka, Tenzou, any of you care to share in the agonizing torture that is diplomacy."

The senbon chewing shinobi chuckled, taking a seat next to Kakashi. "You'd better get used to it, that's about half of a hokage's duties, the other half being paperwork. Anyways, Tsunade-sama thought you might need some back up, and by the sounds of things you just might."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I still don't see what people see in me, I'm sure Tenzou here could do as good a job as I would. In fact, that's not a half bad id-"

"There you go again senpai, trying to dump all your problems on me." Yamato smiled as he seated himself on the other side of the copy ninja. "But this is one thing you won't be able to talk your way out of, and yes, I'm enjoying that fact very much."

The silver haired shinobi clutched his hands together over his heart. "Tenzou, your words wound me. Do you really think so little of your treasured Kaka-senpai."

Yamato scowled at the man, but before he could retort Iruka, the pacifist of the group given his experience with bickering students was quick to change the subject. "Kakashi-san, on a more serious note what exactly is it that the Ame representatives are demanding?"

All at once the lackadaisical front the copy nin had been putting on was gone, his shoulders tensed and his fist tightened as his eyes narrowed ominously. "They're demanding far too much, I take it as an insult that they would even believe that it's up for negotiation." The three shinobi huddled closer to the Hatake, curiosity piqued as each shinobi wondered what could have the normally aloof jonin so riled up. "It's one of a kind; priceless object whose value lies is in its ability to influence and teach both shinobi and civilian alike on all matters of life." At this point the trio was only inches away from Kakashi, hanging on his every word as he continued his rhetoric. "They're demanding my precious… Icha Icha Tactics, the only signed copy mind you, in exchange they would agree to all the terms Konoha has set."

Surprise lined Iruka's face, although when he really thought about it there wasn't much to be surprised about. Seeing the surprise and irritation on the faces of his comrades only served to heighten his own frustrations, and to think that this man was to become the Rokudaime Hokage, honestly what did people see in him.

Still, it wouldn't do Iruka any good if he went ballistic at the man who would soon be in charge of the village. Taking a calming breath the chunin tried to reason with the man. "Kakashi-san, with all due respect this is an unprecedented opportunity, to have all of our stipulations met in exchange for your porn is-"

"That's right, my romance novel, as in my own private property. And it's not porn. The leaf village has no say in what I do with my own property, and as such I am well within my rights to refuse their request."

The academy instructor's face had darkened noticeably, as a vein on his forehead throbbed menacingly. "You're the next Hokage, it's going to be your job to sacrifice yourself for the wellbeing of the village, that includes your love of Icha Icha." With each word his voice rose in volume, it got to the point that the chunin was nearly yelling at the copy ninja. "The way I see it you can either give up the book by your own will or have it taken from you through force, either way you're losing that book."

Kakashi's eyes had darkened as he slowly backed away from Iruka, body tensing up for a fight. "Is that a threat, because last time I checked I'm still one of the best shinobi in the village, sharigan or no sharigan."

"He's right Kakashi, there's no need to make a big deal out of this." Genma added, slowly inching his way toward the copy ninja as the two shinobi slowly cornered him from either side.

"You try anything Shiranui and that senbon is going to end up in a place far dirtier than your mouth."

"The book in his kunai pouch is a decoy; the real one is under his flak jacket, just above his heart." A third voice rang from behind the copy ninja, traces of amusement evident as he spoke.

"Et tu, Tenzou." Kakashi shoulders slumped upon hearing Yamato's statement, any chance he had of keeping his Icha Icha was lost now that Tenzo had joined the fray.

* * *

Upon his arrival back from lunch the hidden rain ambassador came face to face with a most peculiar sight. The four shinobi sent by the hidden leaf sat before him, each one looking more ragged than the last. It was almost as if they had been in some kind of altercation, with whom the ambassador did not know. And perhaps he would have shown more concern had his attention not shifted towards the book placed before him. The only signed copy of Icha Icha Tactics in the entire world, the pinnacle of literature in the elemental nations, and the final piece to his near immaculate collection.

In truth the ambassador was only half serious in his attempt to acquire the precious novel, and given the silver haired shinobi's reluctance to part with it he had already given up any notion of acquiring it. So while a part of him was curious as to what caused the shinobi's change of heart he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

As was agreed on beforehand all of Konoha's demands had been agreed to, and with any luck the accord would mark the beginning of more amicable relations between the leaf and rain villages. And it was all at the expense of a single shinobi, who left the negotiations with one prevailing thought in mind.

Revenge.

Someday, somehow, he would get his revenge and then they would learn the consequences of messing with a man and his por… romance novels.

* * *

Within a few minutes of giving the order Izumo and Kotetsu had appeared before Lady Tsunade in her office. From what the anbu had told them it was urgent, and given the irritated look the blonde was sporting the chunin could tell the hokage was not pleased. Hundreds of papers sprawled across her desk, personnel files from the looks of it as the blonde's eyes roamed over the pages. After standing there awkwardly for a few minutes the Godaime finally turned her attention to the frightened pair.

"I've called on the two of you to assist me in an investigation I'm currently conducting. I want the both of you to compile a list of male ninja who are currently away on mission assignments. They should be between the ages of twenty to… forty years old… I hope. Once you have the list I want the profiles of every man listed on my desk by the end of the day. Any questions?"

"With respect Hokage-sama, the list could run into the thousands. Perhaps there's another piece of information that could help cut down on the number of suspects." Kotetsu asked halfheartedly, already accustomed to performing the most menial jobs for the Godaime hokage.

"I don't care how many names you bring back so long as the list includes every man that fits the description." The blonde barked back harshly. "Let me worry about narrowing down the suspects." The last part sounded so ominous, that it gave the chunin chills. The sadistic smile on the blonde's face didn't help lessen their worries as they left the office and began their search.

As they searched through the mission reports in the lower levels of the hokage tower Izumo stopped and turned towards Kotetsu. "Just to be clear, she's going to kill whoever we're supposed to be helping her find right?"

Kotetsu nodded grimly, "Pretty much, just be glad we're not on her list of suspects."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Revenge is a dish best served cold, and served by messenger hawk**

The sun was just beginning to set as Izumo entered the Hokage's office for the fifth time since they began their search. At that point the chunin had no choice but to leave the stack of files on the floor as Tsunade's desk was overflowing with dossiers. As he finished setting the pile down he took a moment to observe the Hokage's so called 'analysis' of the suspects.

She would open up a file, looking it over for no more than a few seconds, and proceed to placing it in one of two piles. The process would repeat itself for every dossier she reviewed, with each one ending up either to the left or right piles; more often than not the files ending up going to the left stack than the right. Izumo assumed the pile on her right was for those who remained relevant in the investigation, and the pile to her left was for those that had been excluded from further inquiries.

Still, there were a couple of things that really started to bother the chunin. In the amount of time she spent looking over each file there was just no way she could have accurately reviewed each suspects profile, meaning she had to have been making her determination through some other methods. What confused Izumo even more was the fact that Tsunade didn't share this method with Kotetsu and himself, surely with the three of them working together their search would be more efficient as opposed to having Tsunade do all the sorting.

As if sensing the gatekeepers gaze on her Tsunade took a break from her sifting to address the chunin. "Something wrong Izumo?"

Izumo recoiled upon hearing the blonde's irritated tone. "I ummm, you see…" The godaime narrowed her eyes, her gaze silently telling him to spit it out. "I was just wondering how you determined who the suspects are, m-maybe if you'd tell us we could help move the investigation along."

The sanin's glare lingered on the chunin, her mind attempting to come up with a reasonable response. It probably wouldn't inspire much confidence in her two assistants if she told them the truth, it was all based on looks. Naturally knowing Shizune for all of her adult life Tsunade felt she had a better idea than most as to what Shizune's tastes in men were. So the Hokage came to the conclusion that whoever the father of Shizune's child is has to be someone the kunoichi had some prior interest in.

In the fashion typical during her reign as Hokage she opted for intimidation rather than giving a straight answer. "I've got a suggestion. How about you stop playing your little game of twenty questions and bring me the rest of the files." Izumo jumped at the hokage's harsh tone and quickly made to exit the office. "Izumo, before you go give me an idea of how many more files I'm going to have to review."

The gate guard turned towards the hokage slowly and with great care, as a cornered animal would do in the presence of a predator. "W-well, I'd estimate you've gone through roughly three hundred shinobi. So far our list has about t-three thousand names… with more being added on to that number."

All at once the blond put down the file she was reviewing and ran a hand through her hair; here she was thinking she had at least put a dent towards her search when she had yet to scratch the surface. But her morale was still high, and if there was one thing she's learned during her time as hokage it's the ability to solve complex and intricate problems. Granted she faced most of her issues by drinking large volumes of sake and having Shizune do most of the grunt work, but she'd manage. For Shizune's sake, and for that of her unborn child.

"Alright change of plans, we've been going about this the wrong way. Go downstairs and bring Kotetsu back up here, we've got a lot of brainstorming to do. And make sure to bring the stash of sake Shizune hid from me; I'm gonna need it to think of something."

Survival instincts told Izumo to just smile and nod, follow his orders like a good little shinobi. But another voice in his head, much smaller than the first begged for him to challenge the hokage's request. After all, she had been the one to make that stipulation. "A-actually Tsunade-sama, y-you implicitly asked not to be served any sake while the villages were finalizing the peace conferences. You even said that no matter how much you begged, how angry you got, under no circumstances were we to serve you any…"

If looks could kill Izumo would have been killed, reanimated, and sealed inside of the Shinigami's stomach to spend the rest of the afterlife in perpetual agony. "Did you just refuse a request of your own hokage?" The chunin became deathly pale as the sanin began releasing her killing intent. "Izumo Kamizuki, I swear if you don't bring me my sake within the next five minutes I'm going to castrate you like a dog. Because only a disobedient little mutt would disobey an order from its master, do I make myself clear?"

Not even two minutes had passed when both gate guards returned to the Godaime's office, with plenty of sake in tow. And in a few moments the blonde had managed to pour more than half the sake into her system. "There it is I can feel myself getting more ingellitent with each glass. –nother bottle, chop, chop." The chunin, while annoyed, did as told while Tsunade gazed deeply into the empty bottle.

 _He doesn't even know I'm pregnant. I'm not even sure if he remembers being with me; he was so drunk._

The sanin straighten her back as she addressed her assistants. "Q-question, was there some event going on in the village two months ago, something a whole bunch of shinobi participated in, involving lots of alcohol?"

A big grin spread across Kotetsu's face as he responded. "Of course, the Solemn Monkey-that's the new bar that opened up on the other side of the village- was having a big party to celebrate the end of the war. All the shinobi involved in the war got free alcohol the whole night."

"Did you happen to see Shizune there?"

Kotetsu scratched his chin in thought, "Now that you mentioned it, yeah I did. She was hanging out with Anko… that's a weird pair now that I think about it. She didn't seem to comfortable, can't say I blame her, Anko can have that effect on people."

As if all the alcohol had been drained from her system Tsunade got to her feet and made her way towards her assistants. A glint in her eye spoke to how motivated she had gotten with the news. "Great, let's narrow it down to all the shinobi that went into the bar that night, with any luck we'll find our man."

* * *

"Aww, come on Kakashi. There's no need to be so mad at us, it was for the greater good. Besides, this is my first time here in Ame, the least you could do is let us spend an extra day here. Give us a chance to mingle, if you know what I mean." Genma pleaded as the Konoha ninja made their way towards the village's entrance.

Yamato was quick to follow the senbon user's lead. "He's got a point senpai, it's not every day Tsunade-sama sends us on a non-life threatening mission. We've got to take advantage of the chance we're being given. Besides, you still owe me for filling in during one of your challenges with Gai."

Kakashi remained silent as he continued reading the message he had received earlier from the messenger hawk.

 _Kakashi,_

 _I have been conducting an investigation concerning events that occurred roughly two_

 _months prior to today. A list has been made of all shinobi present the night of the Solemn_

 _Monkey's hero appreciation night._

 _The following names are suspects in said investigation:_

 _Genma Shiranui_

 _Iruka Umino_

 _Captain Yamato AKA Tenzou_

 _You are to gather statements from each aforementioned ninja concerning the events of_

 _that night and make a report for further investigation._

 _Regards,_

 _Tsunade Senju_

The copy ninja couldn't the smirk that formed under his mask as he read the letter for a third time. In other words, the Godaime is looking into what was most likely a night of drunken foolery right in the midst of ongoing peace talks.

Kakashi could make several assumptions based on the message. First, whatever events transpired that evening weren't serious enough to have anbu investigate the matter themselves, and therefore has nothing to do with the village's security. Meaning whatever was going on is more of a personal issue for the hokage. And when you factor in the alcohol, and the fact that all the names are male there's really just one conclusion for the Hatake to make.

"It would appear that someone among the three of you got Shizune pregnant." Without even waiting to see their reactions the copy ninja leapt off into the distance, in what was surely going to be a very interesting trip back home.

* * *

 **A bit shorter than the last chapter, but hey at least it came out faster.**

 **Next chapter will start diving into the suspects' testimonies.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **It's all a matter of perspective.**

From the moment the silver haired shinobi uttered his distressing statement and promptly left the trio had been hot on his trail. Not a word was uttered between them as they each hastened to reach the copy ninja, their minds were racing with questions that only the Hatake could answer. Time and distance passed and still there was no sign of the copy ninja, only the unfamiliar landscape of Rain country. Eventually as the sun was beginning to set they came upon a small camp fire lit in a clearing in the outskirts of the forest, a small tent set up nearby.

"That's Kaka-senpai's tent, he's got to be around here somewhere." Yamato declared, scanning the surrounding area for any sign of the aloof shinobi.

"Alright Kakashi I'll admit it, you got us good. So come out already, this is getting boring." Genma twirled the senbon in-between his mouth as he took a seat beside the fire.

"Come to think of it, Shizune being pregnant would actually explain her fainting the other day. Maybe he wasn't joking around. Is it possible one of you guys and Shizune… you know?" Iruka asked, apparently coming around to the plausibility of Kakashi's bombshell.

Genma scratched his chin mockingly, "Hmm no pretty sure I haven't, that's not to say I haven't tried though. How about you Yamato, any fun in the sack with the Godaime's aide?" The mokuton user could only shake his head as he fought down the blush sweeping across his normally sober countenance. The senbon user turned his attention back towards the academy instructor. "Let's not forget one thing here; out of the three of us you're the only one that has any kind of contact with Shizune on a daily basis. If anything that makes you the most likely culprit."

Iruka could barely contain his outrage upon hearing Genma's accusing tone. "That's preposterous, have you forgotten that I'm…" For some reason the chunin could bring himself to say the word, almost as if uttering the word would bring back the awkward and unpleasant mood from earlier.

"Last I checked being gay doesn't make a man physically incapable of knocking somebody up." Genma challenged as Yamato took a seat beside him, giving up his search for the copy ninja in exchange for quietly listening to the exchange between his peers.

"True, but it does mean I don't have any interest in Shizune in that way; so what reason could I have for being intimate with her."

Before their little back and forth could continue a voice sounded from above the trio, its deep and soothing tone belonging to the very cause of their bickering. "You all make good points, but you're all forgetting one key factor in all of this." The copy ninja was lounging on a branch above the campfire, the first volume of Icha Icha in his hand.

"Kakashi!" the trio exclaimed simultaneously, their tone demanding that he explain himself.

The silver haired shinobi effortlessly leapt down from the branch and seated himself across from his comrades, a look of mirth evident despite the mask covering half his face. "Alcohol, and its tendency to impair one's better judgement, often leading to actions one normally wouldn't carry out under normal circumstances." The copy nin took a moment to bask in the silence that had befallen as the trio waited for him to continue. "Approximately two months ago during the Solemn Monkey's shinobi appreciation night, an event you were all present in, one of you lost control of your inhibitions and ended up sleeping with the Hokage's ever-trustworthy aide."

"But to come to the conclusion that one of us has to be the person that did it is preposterous. There are plenty of people who could have done it as well." Yamato challenged, his words although strong in its logic had an underlying tone of doubt to it.

"Very true Tenzo, but I'm still required to gather your statements concerning that night's event. And considering all the times you mention Shizune whenever we go out-"

"I told you that in confidence." Yamato barked out, cutting the Hatake off a little later than he would have liked as a light blush spread across his cheeks.

Kakashi chuckled at his kohai's plight, "Oops, didn't realize. Anyways, I've got to get statements from each of you. Now I know it might be hard to remember everything exactly as it happened so it'd be best if we just combined your statements to filter out any of the inaccuracies."

All of the shinobi nodded their heads yet not one looked ready to begin their account of that night's events. Seeing this, the next in-line Hokage took a deep breath in exasperation as it was clear he'd have to begin. "Even though I'm not a suspect I suppose I could start us off, let's see…"

* * *

A brisk March breeze blew through the emptying streets of Konoha as I made my way to the Solemn Monkey. It was a new bar that had opened up recently in the Senju district; apparently there was some special promotion going on for any veterans of the forth shinobi world war. I had just returned from a diplomatic mission in the Hidden Mist Village- how I got out of there without ending up engaged to the Mizukage is a story for another day- and I was in the mood to let off some steam.

I figured a few drinks would help me unwind, but as is usually the case I came across Gai on my way there. Rather than have him badger me the rest of the day as he normally tends to do I was very upfront with him. "I was actually on my way over to the Solemn Monkey; they've got some special promotion going on. Figured I'd take advantage, have a few drinks, and drown the stress away with sake."

In typical Gai fashion he started to make a big deal out of it. "Yosh, blah blah blah Solemn Monkey blah blah blah blah blah blah glorious and hot-blooded contests of youth. Blah blah blah blah blah legendary drinking contest blah blah blah. Yes it shall put the last one to shame."

"Wait, did you say drinking contest?"

But it was too late; once more Gai had roped me into another contest without me knowing exactly what it was we were going to do. "It's settled then. In exactly one hour from now this new drinking establishment will be host to a most youthful contests between two eternal rivals. Until then I will alert the rest of the village of the event, a contest such as this one should have a large crowd to witness the tremendous spectacle our contest is sure to be."

With that, the spandex wearing shinobi was gone, leaving me in an uncomfortable dilemma. Instincts told me to turn back and hide out in my home, but my heart told me to continue my quest. It was a simple matter of timing; get in, have a few drinks, and get out before Gai got there.

The building itself was nothing special, the only thing that distinguished it from the surrounding buildings was a cheesy sign with the name written on it. The inside of it was equally unimpressive, antiquated furniture, inattentive staff, and a musky smell that really brought everything together. But the bar was filled with liquor and it was going to be dirt cheap, so I took a seat near the bar and got to drinking.

I was actually enjoying myself in the quaint silence but then of course someone had to come in and ruin that for me. A young kunoichi from Suna, a cute brunette who hardly appeared a few years older than Sakura. "Kakashi-sama, good to see you again. I'm not sure if you remember me, I'm Aoi from the hidden sand village. I served under you during the war."

"Can't say that I do, but it's good to see an ally from another village here in Konoha. What brings you here?" I was just being polite to tell you the truth. Sakura's been bugging me over my social skills, teaching me all about mindless chit chat that everyone resorts to when faced in these exact circumstances. There was really no intention on my part of actually starting a conversation with the girl, I was merely putting all her teachings to practice.

She took my response as an invitation to take a seat next to me. "Escort mission for a diplomat. I couldn't help but notice you were sitting all alone, I thought you could use some company."

A couple years ago I would have gladly accepted her "company" but now; I'm not sure if it was the experience of being a jonin sensei or just me getting older. Whatever the reason I just couldn't bring myself to messing around with the cute stranger. "Aoi-chan, was it? You seem like a nice girl, really you do. A very attractive one at that, but I wouldn't waste the effort on me. I'm just not in the mood right now, but I'm sure there are plenty of guys interested in a night of debauchery with someone as lovely as you."

She seemed a little heart broken, she even begged me to reconsider, but alas, my mind was made up. You're probably wondering why women find themselves so attracted to me, it's simple really. Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. And I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. Always leave them wanting more, it does wonders with the ladies. Once she came to terms with the futility of her actions she left, and I continued to have my drinks in peace. After I had my fill I went to the memorial stone to pay my respects.

* * *

Genma was quick to comment on the copy ninja's story. "Okay, I'm calling bullshit on that last part Hatake. I remember walking in and seeing you with that girl, and I don't remember her taking it so well."

Yamato nodded his head in agreement, a smile running away from his face. "Senpai, maybe you had a little too much to drink, or maybe your male pride doesn't let you tell the story as it really happened."

"Oh really, then please enlighten me as to how everything really occurred."

Before Yamato could open his mouth Genma had cut in. "I'll go next. But I'm going to start before Yamato and I walked into the bar."

* * *

Raidou had actually told me about this party at the new bar a few days back, so naturally I go over to his apartment just like we planned. When he answers the door he came out looking like something straight out of a zombie movie. He's all sweaty, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's groaning more than he's actually talking; a real mess. "Hey Genma, I'm not gonna make it, feel like a sack of shit right now."

"Wha'dya mean you're not going, you're supposed to be my wing man. What am I supposed to do, go over there all by myself like some loser?" Heh, no offense Kakashi, but I have a reputation to maintain.

Anyways, I left Raidou to wallow in his own misery, I had my own problems to think about. I had to find myself a backup wing man; it had to be someone with a lot street cred. A shinobi, a guy who knew how to act around the ladies, a guy who could compliment my style; the only trick was where was I going to find this person. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks, the hokage tower. Chances were good that I'd find someone coming back from a mission that'd fit the bill.

As I'm making my way towards the tower I see him; Kakashi's favorite little kohai. I know what you're thinking, he doesn't really hit all the marks that you'd want in a wing man, but in times of emergency you have to settle for whatever Kami gives you. "Yamato, just the guy I wanted to see. Ya got a minute?"

"Yeah, I was actually looking for Kaka-senpai. He's like totally my idol, it actually pains my heart to be away from him for so long."

"Aww come on Yamato. Why settle for Kakashi when you can upgrade, hmm? There's this little get together going on at this new bar over in the Senju district. I could always use a wing man, so wha'dya say?"

"B-but I always hang out with Kaka-" There's really nothing more embarrassing than living your life as someone else's sidekick, so of course I felt compelled to help the poor fool out.

"Think about it, he's always making you go after him, you always have to do his bidding. You have to make your own decisions every now and then." I could see Yamato was beginning to waver; he just needed another little push. "You know what else, seeing you going out with someone else might make him jealous. Wha'dya say Yamato?"

"Alright, just don't ditch me when we get there. I have to be back by the morning to make sure Kakashi's breakfast is ready."

"I, Genma Shirainui, give you my word not to ditch you under any circumstances and have you back home before morning." It was a total lie, but he didn't have to know that. Like I said before, I just didn't want to show up all by myself like some loner; it would send a bad message to any potential targets of the female variety.

Crisis averted, we finally make it to the bar just as things are starting to heat up. Near the bar I see none other than our future Hokage being chatted up by a very fine little number. It's gotta be the mask because I don't see what else the ladies see in you. Anyways, next thing I know Hatake is on the ground and if it wasn't for his mask you'd be able to see a hand mark from the force of the slap she gave him. She's going off on him about making assumptions or something stupid like that; I wasn't really paying attention.

Me being the cool and suave man that I am I immediately recognize the golden opportunity I've been given. A cute girl that's pissed off and in need of someone to vent her feelings to is an easy target. All that was left to do was to get rid of Yamato, and Kakashi being there meant that he'd just latch on to him like he always tends to do. "Ooh, that looked like it hurt. We should check on Kakashi, make sure he's alright." Before I even finished my sentence Yamato went bounding over towards Hatake, leaving the sexy brunette all to me.

Drink in hand, just to help her relax a bit, I walk over towards my prey and give her my most disarming smile. "Hey beautiful, you look like you could use a drink. Mind if I take a seat?"

"Sure, you're Genma right? I've heard so much about you."

"Only the good stuff I hope."

"I heard some of the bad stuff too you naughty boy." She giggled a bit and leaned in closer, with a little time and a few more drinks she'd be all mine. So I spent the next hour or so letting her vent out all of her frustrations, all the while making sure her glass was full. Next thing I know we're in the backroom getting better acquainted with one another, if you know what I mean. Heh, nothing better than sex with a scorned woman I always say.

* * *

Genma let out a perverted grin as his thoughts raced with memories from that night. "She was a real wild one that Suna girl. Anyways that should rule me out of the case; I couldn't possibly have gotten Shizune pregnant that night seeing as how I was preoccupied. I'm good but not that good."

Kakashi leisurely made notes of Genma's account in a small notepad he had taken out mid story. Once done with the notes the silver haired shinobi closed the notebook and turned towards the senbon user. "First off she only slapped me because she was so desperate for my life essence. Second, you're a borderline rapist, you know that? Getting women drunk enough so that they'll have sex with you, very despicable."

"Well when you put it like that of course it's gonna sound bad. I assure you my intentions are always pure, no means no and all that stuff." Genma retorted hastily as the others looked at him in disapproval.

"Whatever you say Shirainui, but don't think you're completely out of the investigation." Before Genma could protest the Hatake elaborated. "As these investigations continue I think you'll all find some… discrepancies with everyone stories. Therefore none of you will be exempt from suspicion until my investigation is over."

"You seem very passionate about this whole situation senpai, strange coming from someone as detached as you."

"Well Tenzou, even someone as indifferent and aloof as me can be enthusiastic when given the proper motivation." As he spoke Kakashi reached inside his flak jacket where his novel used to be as if to remind the trio of their slight against him.

"You're still sore about the book aren't you?" Yamato surmised, fear slowly starting to creep in as memories of Kakashi's mind games from his ANBU days came flowing into his mind.

"Not at all Tenzou, I'm merely doing my due diligence as a shinobi. I assure you whatever joy I find in your precarious situation will have no impact on my probe." Given his overly cheerful tone of voice it was evident that the copy nin was very much savoring his comrades' ordeal. "Since you're in such a talkative mood Tenzou why don't you go next hmm?"

"Alright, I want to preface this by saying that I'm not Kakashi's little sidekick as Genma's story would have you believe. I have plenty of other friends and acquaintances with whom I can spend my free time. My point is proven by the fact that I accepted Genma's invitation to the party."

* * *

We had just entered the bar at around seven, looking back on it there wasn't much of a party going on, I couldn't find more than a dozen people at the bar. One of those people just happened to be our very own copycat ninja, Kakashi Hatake. He was in the presence of a fairly attractive brunette whom he no doubt wanted to sweet talk into going back to his place.

Of course the thing about Kaka-senpai is that while his silver tongue may be able to sway men into doing his bidding it's not as effective with women. Suddenly, from out of nowhere the girl gives him a resounding slap, and I'll admit I found a little joy in being able to witness it.

She was red with rage, and when she spoke I could also detect a hint of disappointment, almost as if she expected better from him. "I have a boyfriend back home you asshole, I just wanted to talk not get into your pants." With that she left, but not before dumping the rest of her drink all over our next Hokage.

As much as I loved watching Kakashi get his comeuppance I just couldn't stand to see him in such a pitiful state. So out of pity, not because of some sense of idolatry towards him, I went over to offer him some assistant. "Even the best of us are bound to fall flat our faces at some point in our lives. Granted not with sake poured all over us but I suppose you aren't the first man that has happened to."

"Well it's a first for me; I'm usually on point when it comes to reading people. It must be all the sake getting to me." As I'm helping him up he finally recognizes me, strange given his usual perceptive prowess. I suppose it was all the sake he had been drinking. "Tenzou, just the man I've been looking for." Based off of his excitement I knew he was scheming something up, whatever it was it'd no doubt end up badly for me.

"Oh no, count me out of whatever you have planned for me Kakashi. Last thing I need is to get stuck doing all of your dirty work."

"Listen, I know I've been a bad friend to you. On countless occasions I've done wrong by you and still I know that you'll be there for me whenever I'm in need of it." The silver haired bastard was so damned convincing I couldn't tell if it was another one of his acts or if he was truly being honest. "Today I need your help more than ever Yamato."

"What kind of help?"

"Gai is supposed to meet me here in a few minutes but unfortunately I won't be able to stick around. So I'd really appreciate it if you'd fill in for me during his little challenge he has for me."

We all know how crazy Kakashi's little rivalry contests can get, so of course I was quick to reject him. "No way senpai, I'll leave all the crazy antics to you."

"I understand, I suppose I'll have to find someone else, if that's even possible. The thing is there's nobody else in the entire village I'd rather have as my replacement. But if you really don't want to help me out…"

I cracked, just like I always do. "What kind of challenge are we talking about senpai?"

"Nothing major, probably rock-paper-scissors or something like that; now that he's in a wheel chair I don't expect anything major." I could tell he was hiding something but before I could question him any further he was already out the door, bottle of sake in hand. And of course he leaves me to pay his own tab, the cheapskate.

When I looked around for Genma I found him over at the other end of the bar stalking the brunette from earlier. She didn't seem too interested but I have to give him credit for not being easily discouraged. Seeing as how Genma had abandoned me and Kakashi dropped another one of his ridiculous challenges on me I was really starting to consider leaving the place.

But before I could make up my mind dozens of people start rushing into the bar; most of them shinobi. In the front of the pack was the leaf's blue beast rolling in with the same determined look on his face he gets when he challenges Kakashi. They were all clamoring about money like they were taking bets, and then it hit me. They were all there to bet on Kakashi and Gai's contest.

Realizing that Kakashi isn't there Gai rolls on over to me. "Salutations Yamato, would you happen to know the whereabouts of my most youthful eternal rival?"

"Actually Gai, he told me to tell you he won't be able to participate in today's contest. Perhaps you can postpone it for another day."

The mobbed that had assembled was quick to voice their anger, all of them expecting some action to start wagering on. From amongst the crowd a voice spoke out. "We came here to see some action; Yamato can fill in for Kakashi."

"A most youthful idea, Yamato as a most trusted comrade of Kakashi shall take his place in the drinking contest." It was in that moment that I knew I wasn't getting out of this predicament, the glint in his eye and the crowd of spectators told me as much.

"A drinking contest, why not something a little less… regretful?"

"Come now youthful Yamato, how can one regret such a fiery display of manly competition between two hot-blooded ninja like ourselves."

"Well there's the hangover we're likely to experience the next morning, memory loss from all the alcohol we're likely to drink, and not to mention making complete asses of ourselves in front of everyone in the bar."

Everyone started gathering around a table in the middle of the bar, and I could hear people placing all kinds of bets on the winner. I've never really considered myself much of a drinker nor have I ever been known to partake in these silly games so it was a real shock to hear all the bets people were placing on me. It must have had something to do with me having Hashirama's cells, at least that's what I gathered from their rushed murmurs I managed to overhear.

We each took a seat at the table facing one another, just staring each other down. For a while it felt like an actual combat situation, two ninja ready to fight to the death. The entire bar went silent as the air thickened with tension, neither of us was willing to tear our gaze away. And we just sat there playing our little game of chicken waiting for the waitress to bring out the sake.

When the sake is finally brought to the table our little stare-off ends, to my surprise Anko was the one who brought the sake. "Alright you two I've volunteered to be the server/referee for this little competition. Rules are simple; you'll each take turns downing a glass of sake, you gotta make sure all of the sake ends up in your mouth and not on you; whoever can't finish his drink or keep it down loses. Got it." She starts pouring the sake into our cups, making sure each is filled with the same amount. "Alright boys, first round is ready to begin. Good luck Yama-kun." She gave me a little wink and with that we began the match.

Up until that point I had very little confidence in myself but when she gave me that wink and wished me luck it was as if Naruto had given me some of his kyuubi chakra to borrow. The rush of adrenaline I felt after that carried me through the entire contest. Round after round, drink after drink, I never once faltered; sure I started feeling the alcohol after twenty rounds or so but the thought of losing never once crossed my mind.

In the end I don't even remember what happened, at some point I just blacked out. And the next morning I woke up with the worst hangover any man has ever experienced with little recollection of the previous nights. But it was all worth it; being at the forefront of everyone's attention, hearing the crowd chant my name, and proving myself to be every bit the shinobi Kakashi is. Yeah, it felt nice to take center stage for once, and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't hesitate.

* * *

Kakashi continued writing notes nonchalantly even after Yamato finished his version of the night in question. Feeling everyone's eyes on him the copy nin stopped his writing and looked up at his suspects. "Okay then, I've got Genma going after my rejects, Yamato losing a drinking contest, and Iruka… I suppose you're next."

The academy instructor gave each shinobi a hesitant look as he sat there in silence. When he did break his silence his voice was barely audible. "I'm not going to tell you my story."

"Wha'dya mean you're not going to tell, you don't have a choice." Genma retorted loudly, his senbon nearing falling out of his mouth.

Iruka raised his voice as his mood shifted from anxiety to anger. "It's my personal life, and I like to keep it to myself. All you have to know is I had nothing to do with Shizune's pregnancy."

"That's exactly what a guilty man would say. Kakashi, you heard from me and Yamato. It obviously wasn't either of us so it can only be Iruka."

"Oh no you don't, I'm telling you I had nothing to do with-"

"Enough!" The copy ninja shouted, his hand raised in the air to get everyone's attention. Using his hand to massage the back of his neck he took a moment to compose himself. "Iruka is entitled to his privacy; I obviously can't force him to talk about something he doesn't wish to discuss. Besides, I very much doubt Iruka will end up being the father of Shizune's child."

The academy instructor felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders upon hearing Kakashi's words. "Thanks Kakashi, I knew you were a reasonable man."

"Don't mention it. I mean after all, you just don't strike me as the kind of person to involve yourself in such irresponsible acts. You're too much of a… well you know." Kakashi replied in a patronizing tone.

"No, actually I don't know. Perhaps you should explain." The chunin ground out, his eyes narrowing as he awaited the elite jonin's answer.

The next-in-line hokage chuckled. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have the balls to have a one night stand with anyone, that includes men. Maybe if you got rid of the stick up your-"

In a flash the academy instructor was on his feet lunging towards the copy ninja. However before he could reach his target both Genma and Yamato grabbed hold of his arms, effectively halting his attack before he reached the still seated jonin. "I'll have you know I 've had plenty of one night stands, in fact that very night I was with another guy, and I didn't even know who he was. How's that for balls."

Pulling out his notepad Kakashi began writing onto a new sheet in a calm and composed manner. "Good, that's all I needed to know."

"Wha… but… you…" Iruka was at a loss for words as it dawned on him that he had been deceived.

Yamato placed his hand on the chunin's shoulder in sympathy. "That's Kakashi for you; no matter how hard you try he always manages to get you to reveal your secrets. Believe me, I should know."

"If you ask me I'd say we're all in the clear. I mean I don't think any of us even remember seeing Shizune at the joint, for all we know she wasn't even there." Genma added, hoping the last Hatake would be in agreement.

"All of that may be true, but you three aren't off the hook as of yet." Kakashi rose from his seat and stretched out his limbs before making his ways towards his tent. "If we can learn anything from today, it's that all of your memories are… distorted to say the least. Don't worry though; I've got a key witness in mind who should be able to shine a light on this little mystery of ours."

"It's not Gai is it?" The mokuton user questioned with an incredulous tone.

The silver haired shinobi shook his head. "Of course not, he can barely remember his own students . No, I'm talking about the referee of the aforementioned contest and famed village party animal, Anko Mitarashi. We'll continue our investigation when we get back to the village, until then have a good night you three." With that the copy ninja vanished into his tent, once more leaving the trio of Konoha nin with dozens of questions and no answers.

* * *

 **Took a little longer than expected, but that's life for you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Good...good, let the perversion flow through you.**

It had been almost a week since Shizune had revealed her condition to Lady Tsunade. While the talk had gone much better than she had anticipated, there was still plenty of tension between them. Most of it due to the Hokage's insistence of knowing the identity of the man responsible for her current situation; that of course had a simple fix: avoid spending any significant amount of time around the Hokage.

Luckily for her, that was much easier to accomplish considering the amount of work she had to put up with recently. If she wasn't behind the clerk's desk managing the recent document overflow, she was at the hospital splitting time with Sakura overseeing Tsunade's hospital duties. This resulted in Shizune spending almost no time whatsoever inside of the Hokage's office, much to her relief.

Today was no different, the Hokage's top aide and confidant was seated at the missions desk on the lower level of the Hokage tower. The day was moving along as usual, Kotetsu and Izumo off to one side assisting her while shinobi and civilians from all the corners of the five great nations poured into the building. Currently the raven haired kunoichi was typing up a draft for a new trade agreement between the leaf, stone, and cloud villages. Her attention, while still fully on her own work, began shifting towards the conversation going on between the two chunin beside her.

"Heh, now I see why Tsunade-sama named Kakashi her successor."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just got word from communications that the son-of-a-bitch just finalized a truce with hidden Rain, and it only took him a couple of days. Hell, he probably spent more time traveling than he did negotiating the deal."

"That's Hatake for you, how much you wanna bet he ended up getting…"

At once the typing stopped, the rest of the conversation forgotten as her mind went blank upon hearing the news. To say this was bad would be an understatement. She hadn't anticipated their return for quite some time; negotiations usually took weeks, maybe even a couple months to get done. She was supposed to have time to really plan her meeting with him when he finally returned. Instead they'd be back in the village as soon as tomorrow and she still had no clue how she was going to break the news to him.

Fortunately for her, she knew someone who could give her some advice on handling the situation. "Guys, I know this is all really sudden but I've got to go see Kurenai about something. You know, make sure her pregnancy is going along smoothly."

"B-but didn't you just give her a checkup yesterday for that very same reason?" Izumo's question went unanswered as the medic nin was already gone, a mountain of papers was all that was left at her desk. "Great, more work for us." Sarcasm evident as he spoke.

Kotetsu grunted in agreement. "Something's going on here; first Tsunade-sama has us going on these weird errands, now Shizune is leaving us with all of her work. I don't know what's going on but we seem to be right smack dab in the middle of it."

"Yeah well, what else is new?"

* * *

The village streets were a blur as Shizune sped through her surroundings, nearly running over several civilians as she did. Normally the kunoichi would take to the rooftops in order to avoid creating such a ruckus, but the circumstances were anything but normal. In less than a day he'd return to the village and her little charade would be over. The entire village would know about her condition, and most importantly he would find out.

Every fiber in her being told her to take an extended leave of absence outside of the village, to go out into the countryside to raise the child on her own. Perhaps it was too rash to think that way, too childish. But the fear of being ridiculed by the rest of the village, and more importantly of his rejection, compelled her to seriously consider the course of action.

The medic nin was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't even realize that she had arrived to her destination. An aged door with the number seventeen hanging at the center of it and a few flowers flanking either side of it; Kurenai's apartment. Knocking on the door a few times Shizune waited with bated breath for a response from the inside. Seconds past, perhaps even minutes befores the hokage's aide began to turn away upon receiving no response of any kind.

The silence was broken by the sound of the door being opened, revealing the genjutsu mistress herself clad in her pajamas giving the medic nin a sleepy look over before jumping awake. "Shizune, what's wrong? Is the baby alright?"

Shizune waved her hands frantically before Kurenai could continue. "No, of course not, everything is fine. I actually came over for something else. I apologize for scaring you like that, I should've known better. I'll let you rest, sorry again for barging in like this." The medic was rambling at this point, a trait she's had since she was little.

The ruby eyed kunoichi let out a breath in relief knowing her child was fine. "That's fine Shizune, you might as well come in. I won't be going back to sleep anytime soon."

The hokage's aide offered an apologetic smile as she followed Kurenai inside the apartment. She took a seat beside the dining table while Kurenai went into the kitchen to prepare some tea. As she was sitting at the table waiting for the Genjutsu mistress to return a stack of books caught her eye. Upon closer inspection she could see that the books were in fact video tapes. Scanning through the titles she could feel the heat begin to spread across her cheeks, each one sounding more lewd and obscene than the last.

"I see you've spotted the results of my latest business venture." She placed two cups of tea on the table and took a seat across from Shizune. "Anko felt that women should have their own version of Icha Icha to enjoy. She needed someone to help fund her idea and I reluctantly agreed. I can't say I regret it though; it's made me a fortune, enough to retire and live a comfortable life."

"Wow that sounds great. So, have you actually… watched any of them?"

A light blush creeped across Kurenai's cheeks. "W-well… I…yes but before you start to judge me take a look at them yourself. They're better than you think." Sifting through the pile the ruby eyed kunoichi grabbed a tape and handed it to Shizune. "I have a feeling you'll like this one."

Shizune reached out hesitantly, almost as if the tape was going to burn her hand. "Er… thanks Kurenai."

"Don't mention it. Literally, don't tell anyone you got it from me." Seeing the medic nin nod in understanding she took a sip of her tea. "Anyways, what was it that brought you to my home in the first place?"

"Oh right, it's kind of hard to explain. I have a… friend, and this friend happens to be pregnant. The pregnancy was unplanned and now she has to find a way to break the news to him."

The former team 8 sensei raised an eyebrow after hearing Shizune's statement. "I don't understand what the problem is; your friend seems to be making a big deal about nothing."

"I'm no-err she's not making a big deal out of it. She's making the right size deal on this; I mean for kami's sake this is going to change everything. Her whole life will never be the same."

Kurenai continued to sip on her tea, her body language the very definition of calm. "All your friend has to do is talk to him, let him know of her intentions, and make sure he handles his share of the responsibility. Asuma and I didn't exactly plan this thing out either, but we discussed it like adults and came to an understanding. So while you… your friend might not end up with the man that did this to her they can still come to some sort of an agreement."

"I suppose so…" Shizune was playing with her fingers in a way that reminded Kurenai of the old habit Hinata used to display whenever she was hiding something.

She reached out and placed a reassuring hand onto Shizune's hand. "I know your friend must feel scared, the thought of having to raise my own child without Asuma still keeps me up at night. But then I remember that I've got my former students, Asuma's students, and even Anko when she's in a good mood willing to help me out every step of the way. I'm sure your friend has plenty of people that would be more than willing to support and guide her if she's ever in need of it. What's the old saying, it takes a village…"

"Your right Kurenai, I'll make sure to pass on the message to my friend. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk. I'll be seeing my way out now." Displaying a small smile showing her renewed confidence, Shizune got up and began to make her way out of the apartment.

"Don't mention it, I enjoyed the girl talk." Kurenai gave a small wave as the medic kunoichi finally exited the apartment. "Oh shit, I forgot to ask her who the father was."

* * *

Tsunade's loyal aide and confidant was currently taking a nice relaxing soak in the tub, letting the warm water soothe her stress away. While there was still plenty of trepidation about the awkward and most likely unpleasant conversation she would have to have with him Kurenai's words did offer her some relief. After all, she'd have lady Tsunade to help her out, maybe even Naruto and Sakura would be willing assist her. That of course would be a worst case scenario, one were he didn't want to be an active participant in their child's life.

But he was a good shinobi and a decent man, a hard combination to find in the shinobi world. That gave her some hope for a better outcome, and she'd be lying if she said there wasn't some attraction on her part towards him. But she wouldn't get her hopes up, she wouldn't allow herself to envision any fairy tale ending were they end up falling in love and living happily ever after. After all the life and death situations she'd been in this would be a simple walk in the park.

Rising up from the tub and wrapping herself in a bathrobe, the expectant mother slowly made her way towards her bedroom. Her worries had been abated, if only temporarily, and she was intent on getting a good night's rest for the first time this week. But there was something that was still keeping her from actually going to sleep as she had intended and it had nothing to do with her current crisis.

Like an itch that needed to be scratched, or a fly that just wouldn't quit buzzing around her head she saw it. Placed atop the nightstand exactly as she had left it-its cheesy title almost calling to her, begging to be watched-was the video tape Kurenai had given her to watch. She shook her head at the imaginary pleas the tape was saying; she simply wasn't the type of person to watch those kinds of things.

 _Kurenai wasn't the type of person to watch these kinds of tapes either, and she seemed to enjoy me quite a bit._

She glared at the tape, if she had any weapon to use against it she wouldn't hesitate to do so. But she didn't, so she had to settle for fighting it verbally like a lunatic. "Just shut up already, I already said I'm not going to watch you."

 _Aww, that's too bad. And to think Kurenai picked me out especially for you. Aren't you even a bit curious as to what I can show you, hmm?"_

"O-of course not, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did watch."

 _Nobody has to know, it'll be our little secret. Just you and me whad'ya say?_ Shizune just shook her head and turned her back towards the tape, her resistance weakening. _Just watch the first two minutes, and if you don't like it you can turn me off._

Turning back towards the tape to offer it another half-hearted glare she reluctantly agreed. "Fine but only the first minute, nothing more." And so the medic kunoichi placed the tape inside of the tape player and watched as the room was filled with corny music that fit the awkwardness of her situation perfectly. A minute passed, then another, and another, and still her eyes were glued to the screen. It was just so mesmerizing, so captivating, and so different from what she was expecting. Yes, she could definitely see how Kurenai got hooked onto this.

 **Had to give our main protagonist another chapter, all to herself. Good news is I've got part of the next chapter already written out...so maybe only three weeks to update. Just kidding...I hope.**


	6. Chapter 6

**And the truth will set you free...so long as you pay for it first**

The large green gates of Konoha were a welcomed sight to the returning ninja. Not only did it signal their return to familiar surroundings but it would hopefully bring a close to all the mystery surrounding Shizune's pregnancy. As they neared the gates it became quite apparent that they were not the only ones feeling a sense of relief with their return home.

Konoha's eternal gate guards both sported looks of pure ecstasy, their eyes welling up with tears as they neared the returning group. "Welcome back. Kakashi, Lady Tsunade wants to see you in her office to discuss the mission."

The copy ninja stood there in silence, appraising Kotetsu's words for a moment. "Alright, I'll be there in a bit. We've got a few matters to take care of first."

"What do you mean you'll be there in a bit? Do you have any idea of the kind of hell Izumo and I have gone through these past couple of days?"

Once more the copy ninja stood there relatively unfazed by Kotetsu's words, his eyes as drowsy and unmoving as ever. "Like I said, we've got somethings to handle. I'll be sure to head right over as soon as I can, until then just stall her for a bit." With that said Kakashi and the rest of his squad started making their way through the village gates, the pleas of the gate guards going by the wayside.

Kotetsu was already on his feet stalking over towards the copy ninja, his mind set on forcing him over to the hokage's office. But before he could make any progress a hand latched on to his shoulder impeding any advance he tried to make. "Just what do you think you're going to do Kotetsu? He happens to be one of the best shinobi in the village, and he's next in line to take over the Hokage's office. He's one of the last people you should be trying to pick a fight with."

Kotetsu's shoulders slumped as he took a deep breath. "You're right Izumo, but I'm just tired of being pushed around by everyone. First Tsunade-sama, then Shizune, now Kakashi; next thing you know Naruto is going to start giving us orders."

Izumo's hand remained on his shoulder, his other hand doing the same as he began giving his partner a relaxing shoulder massage. "I know Tetsu-kun, but you'll always have me by you side."

"Not here Izumo, people might start to talk."

"Let them talk, I'm tired of hiding."

* * *

"Alright Kakashi, we're back in the village. So how do we go about finding your star witness without checking in at the tower? For all we know she could be out on a mission, then what are we supposed to do?" Genma questioned, highly irritated by this entire situation.

The last member of the Hatake clan continued strolling around the village, as carefree and laidback as usual. "It's simple really; I actually have Naruto to thank for this little trick." The rest of the group gave the elite jonin a look of disbelief. "Trust me, it works every time." The soon-to-be Hokage placed two fingers on his throat and began directing a small amount of chakra to his fingertips. "Oh scary snake lady, come out, come out wherever you are!"

Kakashi's chakra enhanced shout echoed throughout the village streets before it faded away into the distance. Minutes passed but nothing happened; the villagers had continued going about their daily activities, attributing the disruption to another quirk from their wacky shinobis. Iruka was less than impressed by the copy ninja's actions.

"Did you seriously think that was actually going to wor-"

Like a bat out of hell Anko came crashing down from above landing right in the middle of the quartet, brandishing a kunai as her eyes scanned the immediate surroundings. "I don't care how big a hero that little brat of yours is Kakashi, I warned him about calling me that stupid name."

"Maa, you just missed him Anko. He mentioned something about 'she'll never catch me' …but since I've got you here there's something I need from you."

At once her mood shifted from bloodthirsty killer to master seductress as she closed the gap between them and ran a gentle along the copy nin's bicep. "It's about time, I was wondering how long you were going to take to accept my offer."

Genma and Yamato both narrowed their eyes at the pair, their minds rife with jealously as the copy nin's effortless charms once more had a woman swooning over him. Iruka rolled his eyes and did nothing to hold back a displeased groan as he cursed whatever forces dropped him smack dab in the middle of this circus of an investigation.

The silver haired shinobi rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I wasn't talking about that, something's come up and I need you to do me a favor." Once more Anko's disposition had shifted in an instant, now she was the Tokubetsu jonin specializing in torture and interrogation.

Taking a step back the former student of the snake sanin placed her hands on her hips as she gave the soon-to-be Hokage an inquisitive look over. "Well, for you to call me for help you've gotta be desperate. I'm going to tell you right now it's gonna cost ya, and I'm not talking about money."

The silver haired shinobi stood there relatively unmoved, already anticipating this kind of response from the kunoichi. With a sigh the future Hokage gave in to Anko. "Alright, what did you have in mind?"

Glancing over towards the trio of ninja she gave a little smirk before she once more pressed herself against the copy ninja. She began whispering something in his ear while simataneously keeping her eyes on the 'spectators', reveling in the displeasure coming from Genma and Yamato.

When she was finished Kakashi turned a lazy eye towards the flirtatious kunoichi, his demeanor giving the impression that he had been anticipating whatever she had suggested. "There's no way I'd do it without my mask on. If I do… do it the mask has to stay on."

"There's no fun in it for me if you keep the mask on Kashi."

Running a hand through his hair the Hatake could already see the dango loving kunoichi was angling for something more. He could feel his anxiety build as he attempted to figure out what she was really aiming for. "Anko for the last time the mask is off limits. Name your price, so long as it doesn't involve my mask."

"Well, since you put it that way…" The grin that spread across her face was so large and intimidating that the rest of the shinobi began to sympathize with Naruto's fear of the woman. "I want you, with you soon to be power as sixth Hokage of the hidden leaf village, to guarantee me free dango for life. And it's gotta be from any place in the village, with no limits as to how much I can order."

"Just because I'll be Hokage doesn't give me the authority-"

"I don't care how you do it; you just have to get it done. Give me that, and I'll carve your face on the Hokage Mountain myself."

Kakashi considered making a quip about how that would affect her weight but thought better of it. After all, it wouldn't be prudent to insult the person you're asking a favor of. So, despite the doubts that still lingered in his mind he knew there was only one option available. "Consider it done, as soon as I take office."

"Great, so what kind of a favor did you have in mind?"

* * *

 **I decided to cut the original chapter off at this point, just because...actually I'm just giving you guys a chance to leave a review with your guess. You know, pick the guy (gal?!) you're rooting for. Maybe even place some bets amongst yourselves. I'm looking at you deadharbor!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Revelations, or how Kakashi inadvertently ruined the lives of our three heroes.**

Anko and Kakashi had decided to continue their discussion back at her apartment, much to the dismay of the others. Their fears were misplaced however as the apartment appeared as normal as any other; no blood smeared along the walls, no torture devices scattered throughout the space, and not a single snake slithering along the floor. The apartment looked spotless, almost as if she had just moved in despite the fact that she had been living there for well over a year now.

Years of working as a torture specialist led her to quickly pick up on the surprise of her visitors. So naturally it was reflex more than anything else that made her turn full on bitch mode. "What's the matter with you three, haven't you ever been to someone else's apartment before."

Kakashi laughed in amusement as Anko continued to leer menacingly at the triumvirate in trial. "Take it easy on them Anko, I'm sure they were expecting something more…dungeony."

"I actually keep the dungeon in the bedroom, that's where all the real fun stuff happens." As if a switch had been flipped the snake charming kunoichi had once more done a one-eighty, going from terrifying interrogator to playful minx. "Take a seat boys, I've got to go get something before we do our little story time."

And so our heroes (protagonists, suspects, stooges) each took a seat in the living room while the Tokubetsu jonin retreated back into her bedroom. An uncomfortable silence fell upon the living room as the shinobi continued to wait; the only sound being made was coming from inside the bedroom as Anko continued her frantic search.

"Oi Kakashi, do you really think Anko is the person to go to for this kind of thing. I mean she doesn't seem to be the most reliable source for information." Genma questioned, finally break the silence in the room.

The copy nin disposed of any doubts with a wave of his hand. "Trust me, when it comes to holding her liquor she's second only to Tsunade-sama herself. And since we know she was witness to that night's events I'd say it's safe to assume that she remembers what went down that night."

The senbon chewing shinobi crossed his arms as he continued gnawing on his senbon. "If you say so, but I won't believe a word she says unless she gives me undeniable proof to support her story."

Before Kakashi could respond the purple haired kunoichi had returned to the living room and unceremoniously dumped a stack of tapes onto her coffee table. "That's exactly why I brought these bad boys over."

Iruka picked up one of the tapes and began surveying its case as the others mimicked his actions. "What in the world does a bunch of porn have to do with us?"

"This, dolphin boy, is the beginning of a fast growing industry that's sweeping the elemental nations and making me a boatload of cash. You see I tried to be a female version of Jiraiya and tried my hand at writing some smut but that didn't go so well. So instead I started making some sexy movies geared towards women and it's really taken off. As for what it has to do with you guys…we'll get to that a bit later." If the smirk on her face was any indication then the baby-making triplets were in for quite a surprise.

* * *

So there I was, walking along the quaint streets of the village headed homeways, I just finished a mission feeling very faggy and all I wanted was some well-deserved zasnoot. All the malchicks and devotchkas were going bedways as the little shops packed their things for the night. I was going on my merry way when I came across a most splendid sight, silver glory sticking up at all angles, wearing his usual maskie waskie looking real horrorshow. Suddenly all my ailments were gone and I only had one thing on my mind, a bit of the old in and out with the cloak and dagger copy nin.

* * *

"Okay timeout, am I the only one who's lost here?" Receiving nods in the affirm Genma turned towards Anko and asked the obvious. "Why the hell are you talking so funny? I couldn't keep up with half of what you were saying."

"Well excuse me for trying to add a little style to my story, apparently you four just don't know how to handle true linguistic mastery. I'll just dumb it down for you gloopy fellows."

* * *

Anyways, where was I. Oh right. I had just come back from a mission and was looking forward to taking a nice long bath and sleep in for the next few days. Seeing Kakashi walking down the street…well let's just say I suddenly had the urge for another form of relaxation. "Hey Kashi, long time no see. Got any plans for tonight?"

"Yo, good to see you haven't given up on me yet."

"What can I say Hatake, I'm a girl that likes herself a challenge." And it's true, there's just something about the way Kakashi played hard to get. It was a nice change of pace from having all the guys trying to jump your bones.

"Speaking of challenges, I've got a favor to ask of you." From the look on his face, or what you could see of it, and the cheery tone of his voice I knew he was up to no good. He must've picked up on my suspicions because he was quick to turn up the charm. "It's nothing too troubling, I just need you to distract Gai for a little while. He's over at the Solemn Monkey about to have some sort of drinking challenge. Thing is, I've got Tenzo taking my place for the contest and I need you to make sure neither of them back out of it. Last thing I need is for Gai to come track me down and force me to participate. Besides, manipulation is what you do best. This should be a piece of cake for you."

"Yeah, well what's in it for me?" I gave him my best bitch-stare to let him know I meant business.

Next thing I know he scoots in real close, to the point where I can feel his breath tickling the back of my neck. "Friends always return the favor and I pride myself in always leaving my friends very satisfied."

It takes one hell of a man to get me all hot and bothered, and at that point I was ready to take him right there on the street. And I was going to do just that but as soon as I turned to face him he was gone. He had already made his point though, and I knew what I had to do. Get to the bar, make sure Yamato and Gai get real shitfaced, and track down Hatake and get me some good old lovin' copy nin style. But before I could do any of that I had to find myself a drinking partner, anybody would do. After all, didn't want to come off as desperate.

"Tonton come back here!" And wouldn't you know it; my anybody came right up to me. It's really the pig I've got to thank for coming across Shizune when I did, I think it was trying to go at the dango I had on me.

"Hey Shizune, pig, fancy meeting you out here at this hour."

"Sorry Anko, Tonton doesn't know how to control herself when she gets a whiff of sweets." As always Shizune got all stuttery and apologetic; it was in that moment that I knew it was fate that crossed our paths. If anyone needed to go out and get a good buzz on it was her.

"Don't worry about it, the pig is kinda cute. Anyways, you've got anything to do tonight?"

It took some convincing but eventually I managed to get her to come along. And that's the thing people don't realize about me, it's always Anko the scary one or Anko the village bitch, but no one ever gives me credit for all the nice things I do for people. Here I was not only doing Hatake a favor but I was also helping Shizune remove the stick that had been lodged up her ass.

Anyways when we finally get there, of course she brings the pig with her, I see Gai entering the place and he's bringing in a huge crowd with him. That's not surprising, betting on the outcome of your stupid competitions is one of the village's favorite pastimes. And that's when it hit me, a brilliant idea that was sure to make me a pretty penny.

"What's with the big crowd?"

"I don't know Shizune, but me and you better be in the middle of it. I see an opportunity we can't miss." We followed the crowd inside the bar and as expected Gai is already on the hunt for Kakashi and if I didn't act quickly I'd miss this golden opportunity. I get in the middle of the crowd and start yelling "We came here to see some action; Yamato can fill in for Kakashi." The rest of the crowd joins me and next thing you know Gai starts warming up to the idea. "Alright Shizune, we've got a lot of people that are gonna want to place some bets so I'll leave you in charge of that."

"But I don't-" As usual she tried to back out of doing anything exciting, but I wouldn't have any of it.

"Come on Shizune, living most of your life with Tsunade means you're no stranger to gambling. All I'm asking is for you to do me that little favor and we'll both be a little richer for it by the end of the night."

She seemed a bit reluctant but she agreed to do it. Phase one of my money making plan was complete, the next phase involved manipulating the odds a bit; so I make a few clones and they all start pumping up Yamato. Talking him up; Hashirama's cells give him great stamina, he's the best ANBU operative in the village, that kind of stuff. Little by little the crowd starts leaning towards Yamato, and even those who stick with Gai expect it to be a long match.

When I get the chance I go back to Shizune and place my own bet. "Ten thousand says Yamato doesn't make it past the third round." And with my wager placed phase two was officially complete. The final phase involved tracking down the little waitress working the bar and 'convincing' her to hand her duties over to me. That was where my reputation always came in handy; with one glare I had the bottle and shot glasses in my hands.

Phase three complete; I come back to the table and set the rules of the match up myself. Once I get the okay from both men I start the match; first round they both drain their glasses no problem, the second round was much of the same. But the third one…let's just say I added a little something extra to Yamato's glass, make sure he'd go down for the count. A second after Yamato places his glass on the table he's out cold, all it took was a simple little concoction we use in T and I to sedate our prisoners and some sleight of hand on my part.

"Are you kidding me!"

"What a lightweight."

"If he wasn't already passed out I'd knock him out myself. The sonofabitch cost me a week's worth of money."

I made sure to collect my winnings quick and get the hell out of the immediate area, the last thing I needed was for someone to start questioning the circumstances. Money in hand I go over to the bar and decide to put some of my newly earned funds to good use.

At this point I've got a pretty good buzz going, I still have plenty of money in my pocket, and kept my end of the bargain with Kakashi. All that was left to do was get myself laid, but not just anyone would do. Obviously it had to be someone at least halfway decent.

Scanning the crowd for any I don't find too many good prospects. Yamato is still past out, Gai…well no explanation needed there, and a whole bunch of no-name chunins. The only guy with any potential is Genma, and he's over in the corner busy not taking a hint from some snobby Suna bitch. Naturally I head on over, because who in their right minds would want scraps when you can have the cream of the crop, the pièce de résistance in Anko fucking Mitarashi.

"Hey Shiranui, still fixated on that senbon I see. Care to use that oral fixation on something else?" Sending a little killing intent towards the Suna bitch was all I needed to get her out of the way. In a few minutes time me and Genma would be back at my place, doing a little bit of the old mattress mumbo. Or so I thought.

Instead the bastard pushes me off his lap like I'm some…some… no good nobody. "Damn it Anko, now look at would you did. She's gone, and to think I put so much effort into impressing her. Now I gotta go find her again."

"Hey, where the hell do you think you're going? You can't just leave me here like some no-name broad." The smug bastard had the balls to walk away from me, if you can believe that. Well that was okay; you don't get a reputation like the one I've got without knowing how to get some revenge. I had to figure something out, something that he'd never live down.

And so I waited at the bar, observing, planning, biding my time until inspiration finally got to me. As I was waiting I saw that brown haired little hussy from Suna leave the bar, apparently she had just managed to give Genma the slip. I kept searching the place I finally find my something, sitting over at the corner of the bar drinking all by himself. At this point the gears in my head start grinding and the plan just starts flowing out of me, like a beautiful song flows out of a musicians instrument.

Yes, this was going to be good.

I saunter on over to my little source of inspiration smooth as can be, if this was going to work he couldn't suspect a thing. "Hey 'ruka, fancy seeing you outside of the academy at this late hour, you here all by yourself?"

"No, I actually came here with the rest of the academy staff…I just didn't feel like dancing much." Poor guy, he seemed a little bit lonely. I almost felt bad for what I was going to do to him…almost.

"Aww come on now, a handsome young man like you should be dancing the night away. I'm sure you have plenty of women swooning over you."

"Yeah well…" Perfect. I always had my doubts about him, and for the plan to work he had to be willing to play for the other team.

"That's alright Iruka, I'm not much into dancing myself. This bar seems pretty nice though, huh. Place used to be a real shitter before the new owners remodeled it." I continued making small talk for a little while, letting him loosen his guard, and when the time was right I set him up with my little trap. "Did you know that this bar is actually an underground gay bar?"

He gave me a doubtful look but I could tell I had his complete attention. "Yeah, I heard it from a friend of mine. Said all you have to do is go wait in the backroom they have behind the bar and wait for someone else to join you. It's supposed to be a way for gay people to meet up anonymously without arising any suspicion from the rest of the village."

"Wow…that's really interesting Anko."

"Yeah well, I think I've kept you company for long enough. See you around sensei." I made my way towards the exit but as soon as his back was turned I took a seat at one of the occupied tables to keep an eye on him all sneaky like. From this point forward the plan would depend totally on him, I could only wait and pray for it to work.

He just sat there watching the crowd for a while taking the occasional sip of his drink. It must've gone on for almost twenty minutes and I started thinking that maybe this wasn't going to work. But then he gets up from his stool and after making sure no one was watching him he heads toward the backroom. Now was the time to make my move, and I didn't have any time to waste.

Weaving my way through the crowd I see that bandana-wearing sonofabitch back at the bar, guzzling down another drink looking more than a little buzzed. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming, things couldn't have turned out any better for me. I stroll on over to him and it takes every bit of my willpower not to start cackling like a madman as my plan came together perfectly.

"Hey Genma, how's it hanging."

"Not now Anko… can't you see I'm still grieving over the loss of that fine piece of ass." Or at least that's what I think he said, couldn't really tell on account of his slurred speech and all.

"Well then I've got good news for you, I brought you a little note from that fine piece of ass." The words hadn't even left my mouth yet when lover boy snatched it from out of my hands and memorizing each stroke in detail.

"Thanks Anko…I've gotta go. Places to be, ya know."

"No worries Genma-kun, I understand completely." Quick as lightning he was off, headed straight for the backroom.

* * *

"Bullshit, that's total bullshit on your part Anko. There's no way I would…"

The snake kunoichi pulled out a tape from amongst her collection of 'romance films' "Maybe this tape will prove otherwise hmm, let's play it and find out." The room went quiet as the tapes opening credits appeared on the screen, _written, produced, and directed by Anko Mitarashi,_ cheesy music started to blast out of the television speakers as the credits faded to black.

The next scene was recorded in night vision showing an empty storage room filled with various boxes and items. A few moments later the door opened and in walked a man and upon further inspection the man turned out to be none other than Konoha's favorite academy sensei, Iruka Umino. The instructor made a quick survey of the room and for a moment it looked as if he was going to leave the room. Instead the chunin stood in the middle of the room visibly torn between staying and seeing what would happen or playing it safe and leaving the room.

Before he could even come to a decision another man entered the storage room, his bandana and ever-present senbon making his identity all too clear to everyone watching the screen. And to the horror of the man himself, the senbon-chewing jonin on the screen closed the gap between the two and pressed his body against Iruka's. A few whispered and slightly slurred words were exchanged between the two as clothes started flying and the rest…would have to be imagined.

The screen went black as Genma stood near the television, his finger on the power button, as his complexion mirrored that of a ghostly apparition. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as everyone waited for some kind of response from the two 'movie stars'. "I'm…I'm gonna go home now. I…have some stuff to think about."

Everyone nodded mutely as he left the apartment in silence. Once he was gone all eyes landed on the academy instructor as he remained motionless in his seat. Noticing all the eyes on him Iruka cleared his throat and made his way out as well. "I suppose this clears my names in things, right Kakashi?"

"U-uh, yeah I'd say so." Kakashi responded, the chunin gave a quick nod and headed for the door. He hesitated for a moment at the opening, and then gave a quick turn to address Anko.

"I suppose this means that tape has been circulating throughout the village?"

Anko nodded slowly, offering Iruka an apologetic smile. "Yeah…I took it a bit far didn't I?"

The academy sensei smiled much to the surprise of those present. "Maybe but it kind of feels liberating at the same time, like I don't have hide who I am anymore. So I guess I should thank you." With that he left the apartment leaving the remaining shinobi to bask in the newfound details from that fateful night.

"Let me see if I got this right, you poisoned my drink to make a quick buck and tricked Genma into sleeping with another man for the sake of getting your sweet revenge?"

"Hey, don't make me out to be the villain here. Shizune was all over you from the minute you passed out, so I knew you were in good hands. Besides, the only reason I even went to the bar that night was because of Kakashi. If anything he's the bad guy here." Anko retorted, not missing the flash in both men's eyes as she mentioned the medical kunoichi.

The copy nin rose from his seat and made for the door. "Thanks for the help Anko, if you'll excuse me, I have to go give my report to Tsunade."

"Hold on Hatake, just what was all this about huh? What the hell are you hiding?" She made to chase him out the door but as soon as she went outside there was no trace of him. "Well Yamato, care to explain what this was all about."

"Sorry Anko, top secret ANBU stuff." He answered from a nearby rooftop, not waiting for the kunoichi's reaction as he followed Kakashi's lead and made his own hasty escape.

"Yeah well, whatever." While being left in the dark was not much to the liking of someone as intense as Anko Mitarashi, she had better things to worry about, like which dango shops she was going to raid first. She could only imagine how much sweeter they'd taste when they're free.

* * *

 **Whew, that took a little longer than expected. I actually started this story as a way get back into the habit of writing and I'm now working another story I had started many moons ago but hadn't updated in a long time. So the update might take a bit longer but nothing too bad I hope.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Life is cruel, especially for Mokuton users.**

Kakashi was halfway to the Hokage tower when Yamato finally caught up to the elusive copy ninja. The mokuton user greeted him with a face splitting grin as he matched the next Hokage stride for stride. It was slightly disturbing coming from his kohai, whose usual facial expressions ranged from whiny prude to whiny drunk. Either way he always had a complaint against Kakashi, and perhaps he did take advantage of Tenzo too much. But that's really just the standard relationship between senpai and kohai, so if the brown haired ninja had any complaints it should be against nature itself.

But he was a nice guy, so he'd humor the younger man. "Alright Tenzo, I'll bite. What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Isn't it obvious? You know I've had a crush on Shizune for some time now, and while the circumstances might not have been…normal I think I finally got a chance for a happily ever after. At least by a shinobi's standards."

The copy nin hummed in response but gave no further indication of continuing the conversation. And so the rest of the trip was made in silence as the pair of ninja made their way towards their destination. Only when they finally reached the entrance of the Hokage tower did the sole member of the Hatake clan break his silence. "Just keep in mind that we don't know that to a certainty, at least not until Shizune can confirm it herself."

Yamato frowned as he contemplated Kakashi's words. "I suppose you're right but still, all the evidence points to me being the father, even you have to admit that."

The silver haired shinobi nodded, as he opened the door. "I'm just warning you, wouldn't want to make a fool of yourself now would you?"

* * *

"You idiots! Didn't I tell you to bring me Hatake the instant he returned to the village?" Various objects -anything lying atop her desk- flew across the room as Izumo and Kotetsu frantically dodged for their lives.

"But Tsunade-sama, we had no idea-"

"Don't give me that crap; I have several people telling me they've seen Hatake strolling around the village without a care in the world. Now either you two are the worst gate guards in all the elemental nations or you're just trying to make a fool out of me. Either way the both of you are in for a world of pain-"

She paused mid-rant as a knock sounded from the door. "Who the hell is it?" She snapped, feeling another migraine coming on as she was feeling overwhelmed with all the stress Shizune's situation had created.

An all too familiar voice sounded from outside her office. "Maa, I see that this is a bad time. I'll just come back then." Kakashi hardly finished his sentence when the door was abruptly opened and the ninja was dragged into the room by the konoha's gate guardians. Yamato followed them inside as the chunin quickly made their escape, eager to place as much distance between themselves and their wrathful Hokage.

"It's about time you got here Hatake, and you Yamato, I'm fairly certain I only requested Kakashi's presence."

Before Kakashi could respond Yamato stepped forward and addressed Tsunade in his typical ANBU fashion. "My apologies Tsunade-sama, but you'll find my presence very much necessary in this instance." The blonde only raised an eyebrow and waited for the mokuton user to continue. "Tsunade-sama, there's no easy way to say this so I suppose I'll just say it. I am the father of Shizune's child, and I intend on taking responsibility for my actions."

The blonde shot up from her seat in a flash, her gaze narrowing menacingly towards Yamato. "And how, pray tell, is it that you found out about Shizune's pregnancy."

The Anbu captain took a step back and raised a finger in the direction of the copy ninja. "Kakashi-senpai told us Tsunade-sama."

"Us?"

"Iruka, Genma, and myself. We were told one of us fathered the child and an investigation was held to find out who was responsible." Tsunade turned her glare over towards Kakashi silently demanding an explanation.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before he began. "W-well you see Tsunade-sama when I received your letter I had quickly deduced that Shizune must have gotten herself pregnant. Of course it was only an assumption, which you only now confirmed to be true."

"I see, and in all your brilliance you didn't deduce my desire for secrecy in this matter. Instead you chose to go blabbing to everyone about a very personal matter which was supposed to be kept top secret." With each word the blonde leaked a bit more killing intent in the air, so much so that lesser shinobis would have been trembling in their sandals. The silver haired shinobi could only shrug in his typical nonchalant manner.

"You idiot! If word gets out in the village about her pregnancy then I'll be the one she blames. And if that happens so help me kami the last thing I'll do as Hokage is to ban your precious Icha Icha-"

Another knock on the door halted the blonde mid-threat as the knob turned and the door was pushed opened. "Is everything alright Tsunade-sama?" In walked the man of the hour, better yet the woman of the hour. She stood at the doorway with a stack of papers in her arms as everyone in the room gave her a look of surprise. Seeing who was in the room with Tsunade she couldn't help but give in to the blush that spread across her features as all eyes remained on her.

Yamato was the first one in the group to regain use of his motor functions, and slowly made his way over towards the Hokage's aide. Once he arrived in front of the medical kunoichi he dropped to one knee as flowers began emerging from his fingertips, making Shizune blush even deeper than before.

"Y-yamato, what's this all about?" Shizune stuttered, her mind rife with theories as she stood frozen in place.

"This is about us. You, me, our child, and the wonderful future we'll have together."

"Child?" The gears started turning in her head as she shifted her attention from the kneeling ninja to the seated blonde, her eyes narrowing in anger. "I trusted you! I told you that in confidence Tsunade-sama, how could you do this to me?"

"Shizune I-"

Yamato rose to his feet and quickly cut in to defend Tsunade. "Tsunade-sama only did what she did because she cares about you Shizune. I'm sure any parent would have done the same under the same circumstances."

Shizune bit on her lower lip as she contemplated Yamato's words. "I guess you have a point, but it doesn't make her actions hurt any less." Glassy eyed, the raven haired kunoichi continued to glare at her master as her pain gave way to anger once more. The blonde sat behind her desk without uttering a word, knowing full well the error of her actions.

Yamato, still filled with courage from what he supposed was love, continued his attempts to assuage Shizune. "That's not important right now Shizune, all that matters it that our child-"

"Damnit Yamato, you aren't the father of my child. Why on Earth would you think you are?" Shizune yelled, her anger finally overtaking her attempts at remaining calm.

"B-but… that night… at the bar. You nursed me back to health and we made love afterwards."

The medical kunoichi gave a bitter laugh. "Please, all I did was make sure you wouldn't die after Anko poisoned you. Believe me; you were in no condition to do anything even remotely sexual."

Tsunade had finally woken up from her stupor upon hearing Shizune's revelation, her interest piqued. "If Yamato isn't the father, then who is?"

"He is." She raised a finger, aiming it directly towards the fourth person in the room, who up until this point was busy reading from another one of Jiraiya's novels.

Feeling all the eyes in the room staring at him the silver haired jonin looked up from his beloved book and tilted his head in confusion. "I'm afraid I wasn't paying attention, could you repeat that last part?"

Silent tears flowed from Yamato's eyes as the universe had once more taken something that was his and given it to the indifferent Kakashi Hatake.

"Of course, we all understand how important those books are to you Kakashi." Shizune's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "You and I had sex a couple months back and now I'm pregnant. Now that that's all cleared up I'll leave you three to go back to whatever the hell you were doing." With that the hokage's loyal assistant stormed out of the room leaving them to process her annoucement.

"Hatake!" It was obviously Tsunade who called him but before Kakashi could turn to face the blonde his surrounding went black as he drifted off into unconsciousness.

* * *

Opening his eyes brought him to a world of pain as he slowly regained consciousness. Despite the massive headache the copy nin slowly rose from the sofa he was lying on and he quickly took note of his surroundings.

"You're finally awake sensei. What the hell happened in there?" Turning to his left he was met with the green eyes of his former student.

"Maa, I'm not too sure myself Sakura, I don't even know what hit me."

"It was a pebble." Sakura deadpanned, a hint of laughter in her voice.

"A pebble?"

"Yeah, but if it makes you feel any better it was Tsunade-shishou who threw it. That knocks out about ninety percent of the people it hits." Kakashi hummed in agreement but remained silent as he slowly gathered his bearings.

Still filled with curiosity Sakura continued the interrogation of her former sensei. "So what happened Kakashi-sensei? I was headed towards shishou's office when I saw Shizune storm out of the office on the verge of tears. Then I walk inside and Yamato was half crying, you're knocked out, and shishou was busy destroying whatever furniture was within reach."

Before he could answer a blur of orange burst through the doors, his blue eyes dancing with mirth as he approached his former sensei. "What'dya do to get Tsunade-baachan so mad at you sensei, mess around with Shizune?"

"Naruto you idiot, even Kakashi-sensei has enough sense to avoid doing something as stupid as that." The pair shared a laugh that quickly died down when they saw no reaction from the copy ninja. "Sensei, you didn't actually…"

Kakashi nodded grimly in response, his head still spinning. Whether it was from his injury or the thought of having a child with Shizune, he didn't know.

The jinjuriki was keeled over laughing at his sensei's plight before a well-placed fist from Sakura shut him up. "Oww, you don't have to be so mean Sakura." Massaging his head the blonde addressed the forlorn jonin. "I don't see what the big deal is Kaka-sensei, you're all adults after all. Not like anything else happened, right?"

His question was greeted with silence as Kakashi remained frozen in place, paying no attention to his former students.

Sakura quickly put everything together. "Sensei, is Shizune…pregnant?" Team seven's former leader nodded his head, as he slowly rose to his feet. As if the question had finally spurred him into action the former ANBU captain flashed through a series of hand signs and slammed his palm on the floor. As the puff of smoke settled a very familiar looking pug sat waiting for instructions.

Pakkun raised a paw in mock salute. "Yo, what's up boss?"

Before he could give his orders Naruto jumped in, a big smile on his face as he did. "Kaka-sensei got Shizune pregnant, can you believe it. I'm finally gonna be an uncle."

The pug snorted but otherwise kept his expression even. "That figures, I always warned you about mating too much but no. You humans think you have it all figured out with all your fancy contracep-"

"Pakkun now's not the time for this, I need you to help me track down Shizune, not lecture me." Kakashi ordered, using his ANBU voice to leave no room for hesitation on the ninken's part.

The pug gave a few sniffs and nodded in the affirm. "Alright boss, let's get to it." With that said both the pug and copy nin leapt out of the window despite Sakura's protests, leaving Naruto and Sakura alone in the hospital room.

As usual the blonde was sporting his goofy grin much to the pinkette's displeasure. "What's with that smile Naruto, this is a really serious matter for the both of them. Not something to be laughing about."

"Sure, sure, anyways I call being the kid's sensei. I can't wait to show him thousand years of death."

"As if Naruto, you can't decide that. The kid's not even born yet. Besides if it turns out to be a girl then she's all mine."

"What, why?"

"I can't exactly let you perform a thousand years of death on a little girl can I? That's sexual harassment."

The blonde pouted but ultimately gave in. "Fine, if it's a girl I'll let you train her. But I'm training him if it's a boy."

"Deal." The pair shook hands and with that the future of a yet to be born child had already been decided. So while everything else about the child's future may be in doubt, at least his or her future sensei had already been determined.

* * *

 **I apologize for the long wait, I'm actually coaching a summer league baseball team so my free time is cut significantly. Anyways, next chapter will be the last one: the confrontation between Kakashi and Shizune. And yes, like Kakashi I enjoy being an asshole to Tenzo.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Lose your way, go Cliche (Ending).**

It's official. This is by far the worst year of Kakashi Hatake's life, and that's saying something when you consider his past. Pain's invasion of Konoha, nearly being appointed Hokage, the Fourth Shinobi war, ultimately being named the sixth Hokage, and now learning that he was to be a father to some unfortunate child. It just kept getting worse and worse with each passing event. Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but it effectively marked the end of Kakashi's life as Konoha's number one bachelor.

Some ten meters ahead of him his oldest and most loyal ninken came to a halt, awaiting his masters' arrival. Upon reaching Pakkun the soon-to-be hokage took a moment to survey his surroundings; the area was lush with vegetation, the trees here stood tall and firm, unhindered by any of the battles or wars of yesteryear. It was the type of place you wouldn't look twice at if you were just passing through. No, to truly appreciate its beauty one had to stop and let its subtle perfection take one over.

Then off to the west he saw her, some twenty meters away taking a rest under the shade of a large oak tree as sunlight filtered through its many branches. She had his back to him, her head was held high as her hair danced with the breeze passing through the forest. She was looking off into the distance seemingly in deep thought, the scene before him about as picturesque as he's seen.

He stood there observing her like that for some time until he felt a nudge on his shin breaking him from his stare. Looking down he saw the pug eyeing him with an apologetic look, but then again that might have just been his usual face.

"This is as far as my help goes Kakashi, good luck." Responding with a nod the pug vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving the silver haired jonin alone to face Shizune. Inhaling deeply the copy ninja shut his eyes and began mentally visualizing all the possible approaches he could take, a habit he's picked up from years of mission experience.

Try as he might, his genius mind came up empty. The words he'd use eluded him, hell he didn't have a clue as to how he should actually approach her. _Should I bring some flowers? Propose? Ask for a DNA test? Wait, is that even medically possible right now? Maybe I should ask Shizune…Tsunade…Sakura? No, that probably won't turn out well for me._

Finally in the midst of all his musings it finally dawned on him, he couldn't come up with anything because he's avoided these situations like the plague. He's lost enough loved ones to know better than to get too close and involved with others. He only wished he could have his sensei's profound sense of wisdom in trying situations, Rin's near-irritating ability to exude kindness towards another person, or even Obito's penchant for making someone laugh. But he was just Kakashi, so he couldn't be blamed for what he was going to do next.

Shrugging off any lingering doubts in his head, the silver haired shinobi slowly made his way over to the exasperated kunoichi, fluctuating his chakra to announce his approach. If the raven haired medical nin did notice his arrival she gave no indication as she remained seated beneath the oak tree, her back to him.

Silence reigned supreme as he finally reached the spot Shizune was seated at, a silent battle of wills taking place between the two. He refused to say a word in fear of aggravating the kunoichi even more, instead opting for a little light reading from his favorite book series while she continued to ignore him altogether. The pair remained that way for some time, whether it was only minutes or hours Kakashi couldn't say, he often lost track of time when reading his beloved novels.

One can only listen to the sound of pages being turned every few seconds for a short time before they lost their patience, and Shizune was no different. Giving an annoyed sigh, whether it was in annoyance or defeat Kakashi couldn't say, the medic nin finally turned to address the copy nin. "Really, you're just going stand there reading your book?"

The future sixth hokage nodded his head but otherwise remained silent, his eyes never leaving the page in front of him determined to hold maintain his silence.

The raven haired medic rose to her feet in a huff, her brow furrowing as she bit her lower lip in a fashion eerily reminiscent of her mentor. "If you plan on standing there all day reading your stupid novel then I see no point in wasting anymore of my time." Lowering herself into a crouched position she made to leave but just as she was about to leap into the air a hand caught her wrist, effectively halting her escape.

"You know, it's usually me who's doing the running away in these situations." Snapping his book shut Kakashi plopped himself on the ground unceremoniously, his hold on Shizune's wrist causing her to crash down on her bottom unceremoniously. He released his grip on her wrist and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry about that, just wanted to make sure you wouldn't run off just yet." The apology came with his signature eye crinkle, and just like that Shizune's anger slowly gave way to curiosity.

* * *

Of course she was curious. After all, she'd been waiting this entire time for him to say something so she might as well stay and see what he has to say. She didn't know the man all too well aside from some passing glances at the hokage's office and his many visits to the hospital. He'd always give a nod in acknowledgement along with his signature eye crinkle. His no worries look, silently assuring her and everyone he used it on that everything was going to be alright.

And then of course were the very rare moments they spent together on the battlefield, his eyes far from the gentle ones he used in the village. In battle his eyes were harsh and held a fire that only came after years of experience in all manner of skirmishes. They captured every movement out in the field, each detail monitored and analyzed in an instant, always looking for any weakness that could be exploited.

She had decided a few days ago that his eyes revealed a lot about him but then again she didn't have much else to go on. After all, the man kept the rest of his face cover with that confounded mask of his. But even with the mask still hiding most of his face the look of his eyes right now compelled her to stay seated, to hear out this infuriating man.

Regret, the feeling was painted all over his face…eyes. Eyes that were now peering right into her own, silently disclosing the intimate nature of his upcoming words. _I'm vunerable right now, and I'm trusting you by doing this._

"Given your access to hospital records and the fact that you essentially run the Hokage's office I'm sure you've done plenty of checking up on my files so I'm assuming you know more than enough about my history." Lowering her vision in silent acknowledgment he nodded his head and continued. "But there are still a few things I think you should know about me." He turned away for a moment and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, discomfort obvious in his body language.

"When I was very young, no more than five years old, there was no shinobi I looked up to as much as my father. He was a great hero of the second war, known by everyone as the White Fang of the leaf, and in my eyes he was the very pinnacle of what it meant to be a shinobi." His voiced was soft and remorseful; he made sure to keep his face away from her own as he continued. "One failed mission later and it all came crumbling down, my idol reduced to nothing more than trash by the village and instead of standing by his side I condemned him. I was so bitter, and even after his death I still couldn't help but feel resentment towards him, a hate for the very man I once adored like no other."

His voice cracked a few times but he carried on nonetheless, not once daring to make eye contact with her. "I spent the better part of my life resenting a man far better than I could ever hope to be. So tell me, what chance do I have with a child of my own?" Shizune had to fight the inclination to reach out and embrace the man before her, silently questioning whether that would be appropriate.

Amidst her own private contemplation the silver hair ninja turned to face the medic, his glassy eyes locking on to her own. "So yeah, I'm absolutely terrified and I'd say we're pretty screwed." His words, while deflating, were spoken with a hint of optimistic laughter. "But then again I haven't known myself to be the type to quit when the going gets tough. And I don't see myself stopping that trend now."

He gave her another one of his patented eye smiles but this time, perhaps the only time it was actually genuine.

Nodding her head and giving him a smile of her own she responded. "Thanks Kakashi, I really appreciate it."

"There's nothing to thank me for."

But there was, for any shinobi to reveal their vulnerabilities to someone else signified a level of trust that should be cherished. And she did. But she didn't push the issue further, instead opting for a curt nod in agreement.

With that said the copy nin had reverted back to his old self, his mask (the metaphorical one) was up and back in its usual place. "Good, now just so we're clear I'm not some prince charming that's going to give you a happily-ever-after. Unless your idea of a happily-ever-after is raising a child with a man who openly reads romance novels."

"I think you mean smut." She countered, a teasing smile spreading across her face. "And I'm not some damsel in distress looking for a man to come and save me.

* * *

Kakashi cleared his throat, swallowing any retort he may have wanted to use in defense of his literature. It just wouldn't do to start an argument just after things had cooled off between the two of them.

"Mah, all I'm saying is that you can count on me to be there for you every step of the way. Might not always be pretty be we'll be alright. Can't speak for the kid though, not with parents like us. Especially the mother." She gave him a playful punch on the shoulder, catching him off guard.

Kakashi would never consider himself a good communicator but he must've done something right because he immediately found himself wrapped in Shizune arms, her head buried in his chest. He had to fight the urge to step away from the embrace, silently reminding himself that they had been much closer than this at some point in the past.

Finally pulling back from his chest he saw a rosy blush dusting Shizune's cheeks, "Sorry, I just really needed to hear that." Not finding the words to respond he just smiled back at her. "You'll make a good Hokage, and a pretty good father too."

"Thanks, speaking of things I'm good at…" Shizune cast him a sly glance as his tone became playful once more. "How was I?"

As he intended, the medical specialist sputtered in response, her cheeks imitating tomatoes at their ripest point. After the initial shock had worn off she had managed to recompose herself, giving the copy nin a questioning look much to his amusement.

He laughed out loud, louder than he had for many years in fact. It seemed almost therapeutic, and he continued to laugh seemingly out of control.

"You know what I mean." He wriggled his eyebrows at the medic playfully. "The sex, how was I? Better yet, where would you rank me on the list of men you've had sex with?"

Shizune's response was swift, painful, and ultimately unexpected by Kakashi. An elbow towards his ribs had the silver haired shinobi keeled over in pain, effectively ending any further teasing from the copy nin.

The kunoichi marched forward, turning to face him after a few moments. "Your file said you have average stamina for an elite jonin," She began, her tone as playful as his own a few moments ago. "but I didn't know the same applied to the bedroom." The smile she gave him was one he hadn't seen on her…ever. It was far from the friendly one he had seen so many times around the office. It was playful, teasing, and borderline flirtatious, it was the kind of smile you'd see a love-struck teenager give to a boy she likes. A far cry from the normally serious and reserved kunoichi.

He didn't know what to make of that smile, or anything else concerning Shizune and their future together. But there was one thing he was certain of, the next few years were sure to be interesting. Maybe someone could write a book about it.

* * *

 **And on that note I'd like to thank everyone who read the story, I hope you enjoyed it. The ending hasn't really convinced me, so much so that I've decided to create another story. It will be a continuation of this story, but presented in a series of one-shots. Hope to get that up and running within the next week. Ciao!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Alright guys as mentioned in the previous chapter, just posted the continuation of this story for any interested parties. It's titled _A Fairy Tale Ending: Ninja Style_ **


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